Finding the Balance

One of the things that has been swishing around inside my head lately is the idea of balance: how much is too much? With clients, I often tell them everything in moderation. I'm talking about food, workouts, and even rest. You've got to find the balance that fits you, and in fact, your body. Because not only is everybody different, but every body is different.
If I were to move this principle over to the realm of police work, I feel the same would hold true. Everybody is different and every body is different. The NYPD is a body of Officers that is not the same as a small police force in Upstate New York. It's also not the same as Virginia Beach. Or Toledo.
And as the significant other of an NYPD Officer, I sometimes wonder just how much needs to be said. How can we advocate for our cops, without sounding braggadocios, without stepping on toes, without pissing off the brass? Sure, I have a blog, but let's face it...it's a self-given platform. Do I need to do more in real life? Can I do less and still feel relevant? How can I find the balance in this area of my life? Obviously, if you're reading this post, you're wondering too. I welcome all relevant thoughts. 
This Autumn for me will be about finding the balance. I'm tired of killing myself in one area of my life and then letting other things fall by the wayside. I am including my role as a Cop's Wife in all of this...easier said than done, I know...but I've promised myself to find the balance.

The Empire State

I was getting ready to leave for work on Friday morning when the whole incident at the Empire State building began being reported on the News; initially I put out a few quick Facebook posts to pray for our Officers since we did not know then exactly what had happened.
The story is still unfolding, and little by little, we are getting a picture of what took place on Friday right outside the Empire State Building in NYC. For those of you that are not caught up:
A disgruntled former apparel designer was killed Friday morning in a hail of police gunfire in front of the Empire State Building after he shot and killed a co-worker and engaged in a gunbattle with two officers, authorities said.
At least nine others were wounded in the incident as the officers unloaded 14 rounds at the gunman, who apparently turned his weapon against them in one of Manhattan's busiest neighborhoods.

Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said the bystanders were not hit directly by police, but rather the officers' struck "flowerpots and other objects around, so ... their bullets fragmented and, in essence, that's what caused the wounds."
For more: http://articles.cnn.com/2012-08-24/justice/justice_new-york-empire-state_1_police-officer-police-commissioner-shot 
And here's where I stand: I am happy that our two veteran NYPD Officers are safe and sound, and that all the other Officers stationed at or nearby the Empire State Building are not injured. Although I feel badly for the innocent bystanders who were injured, I know that real life is not a movie. In a movie, the cops get off one round of ammunition, directly hit their target, no one else gets hurt, and afterward there is very little "armchair Copper-backing." In real life, people who were just walking to work get caught up in the crossfire and the News Machine takes on every possible angle. Fools on social media begin tweeting their opinions from thousands of miles away, and then try chastising me for having an opinion different from theirs.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: A man with an experience is never beholden to one with a theory.
And as I've said and will continue to say: Police protocol should not be questioned in this incident. Period.
And after the scene was cleared:
"I believe it was handled well," Kelly said. Ray Kelly is our Top Cop over here, and I trust his opinion a hell of a lot more than any one person making random comments in the press.
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/08/25/nypd-shooting-bystander-victims-hit-by-police-gunfire/#ixzz24badorn1 …

The End of Things

What's great about having a blog is you can sometimes find out how strange you really are...sometimes, if I put something out there and there are no comments, or some varying degrees of difference, I can usually tell just how far off base I really am...and on the flip side...I am also able to, at times, wrap the virtual support around me like a worn comfy sweater, realizing that I am not the only one.
That said: let's see if I'm the only one.
I hate the end of things.
I hate the end of summer.
I hate putting away the Christmas decorations.
I hate the last day of vacation.
I have been known to cry on the last day of...whatever...and will probably cry late Labor Day night as they close the pool for the season. Trust me, it doesn't take much. I have cried at the obvious ends: my high school graduation, the death of a relative, an awful break-up when dating, my parent's divorce...the end of a best-friendship.
However...I have found that it's the subtle things that really get me...the end of a great dinner party, the time when it comes to depart a great city that I was just visiting...the closing ceremony of the Olympics...the taking down of flags long after September 11th.
Perhaps I'm just a sap. Maybe there's a bunch of people just like me out there...either way, I don't anticipate change in the foreseeable future. I'm too old to change; and a small part of me would never want to...it would mean another end, and as you know...I tend to not like the end of things.

An Open Letter

Dear Mr. Criminal: Please leave my husband alone. Don't shoot at him, don't run from him, don't call him names. Just go about your business and he'll go about his.

OOooops. I forgot; that's the nature of the business.

Dear God: Please keep my husband safe. Tonight and every night Mr. Criminal roams the streets.

Amen.

Fun Friday

Sometimes it's time to stop the ranting and raving and just...go shopping!
This week, I was contacted by Manchester Policemen's Wives Association. That's Manchester, New Hampshire, friends. Apparently these crafty ladies had a pendant created to commemorate the Police Wife Life and I am excited to say that they are on sale NOW!
Just head on over to http://www.manchesterpwa.org/pwa-jewelry.php 
and check out the various designs and options.
Know a LEOW that's about to have a Birthday? How about a woman who is about to marry a cop...? I think this would be a fabulous present to a bride from her bridesmaids. Keep in mind that the Holidays are right around the corner; there's literally a zillion reasons to order one of these gorgeous pendants...one of them being that all the proceeds will be given back to police families in need and to law enforcement support groups and organizations.
It's a win-win, people! So head on over and check out the Manchester PWA, and feel free to share this with anyone you know living the LEOW Life!!

Reaching Out

I have decided to reach out to the various people who have announced that they intend to run for Mayor of New York City in 2013.
I want to know where they stand when it comes to the NYPD. It's that simple. I want to know which candidates are willing to do a ride-along in NYC's toughest neighborhoods.
I want to know who is not going to talk out of both sides of their face.
I'll keep you posted.

So Many Things

There are so many things going on at once right now that I'm going to comment briefly on each to the best of my ability and then open this up for some comments.
First of all, if you want to read a great article on the Times Square shooting that happened over the weekend in NYC, head on over to the SCW Facebook Page. I commented there but will do the same here: the NYPD is Damned if they Do/Damned if they Don't. Had they not shot the knife-wielding-high-as-a-kite-emotionally-disturbed-person in Times Square the other day and had that person hurt someone...they would have never heard the end of it. It's that simple.
The general consensus in the Law Enforcement Community right now is "suicide by cop."

My heart goes out to the family of the slain Texas constable, Brian Bachmann, who happens to be the sixth law enforcement official killed so far this year in Texas.

I am still waiting to hear from Our City Comptroller, Mr. John C. Liu.
I am also continuing to exhort all NYC Mayoral Candidates for 2013 to go for a ride-along with the NYPD; preferably in one of our more dicey neighborhoods. I don't think anyone who can or will enact policy for the NYPD should be unaware of what really happens out there on the street.

The London 2012 Olympic Games have closed. I am saddened by this, although I might actually be getting some more sleep now that I am not continually drawn in to the sport and spectacle. I anxiously await the Winter Games in 2014, and the Summer Games in Rio.

And on a personal note...Roc got a call the other night from a lady who doesn't like who her 16-year-old daughter is dating...so she asked for a police report.
Roc's one-word text just about summed it up: Unbelievable. 

A man with an experience...

Did you ever hear that expression, "A man with an experience is never beholden to a man with a theory?"
I love that expression and often find an opportunity to use it, as so many people in today's world love to spout off about things they know not of.
Perfect example: I will often check the #NYPD feed on Twitter when Roc is working late. Sometimes it will give me an idea of something happening somewhere in NYC that perhaps the News hasn't got a hold of yet...often times, I get to skim through some serious NYPD-Bashing.
It's tiring, truthfully, but so often I see these clueless individuals for just what they are: clueless. And I pay them no mind. There are so few people who actually understand what it's like to be part of the NYPD; especially to serve in a blighted area like my husband. Needless to say, the South Bronx is no walk in the park.
So imagine my surprise when I saw our current NYC Comptroller, Mr. John C. Liu, making ridiculous remarks about the NYPD on Twitter. My relationship with Mr. Liu began like this:
His Tweet:
Why can’t an #NYPD officer wear a #turban? http://on.nyc.gov/OPQYyd

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!
 
Well, I bet you every Cop's Wife from here to Kingdom Come knows the answer to that one right away, before even glancing at my replies:   
@JohnCLiu Really? For the same reason MANY Officers don't wear wedding bands...you can get it caught on something+it's a safety hazard.
Then...
Go do a ride-along in the South Bronx+then tell me this would be a good policy. You have no idea...
Then...
Perps don't play fair, Sir, please get a clue before tweeting.

And I almost couldn't stop. He was trying to express solidarity after what happened in Wisconsin last week, and I get that, but...REALLY!? Isn't this just common sense? This man is an elected official who is running to be our next Mayor in 2013. Dear God, Help Us.
But here's the rub: is there any reason that Mr. Liu can't just stick to COMPTROLLING?! His job is to protect and enhance the fiscal health of New York.
Can someone please give me a real reason he can't just stick to that? In days following, I challenged Mr. Liu to a ride-along in some of NYC's most notorious neighborhoods. I reminded him that the NYPD is about 35,000 Members strong, which would equate to a whole lot of votes going forward. He has yet to respond.
If you're interested in checking out my ongoing rant with this elected official, feel free to follow me on Twitter.
My point is this: SHUT UP when you don't know what you're taking about. You look foolish. I would bet money that this guy doesn't even know that the NYPD wears clip-on ties. Why, you ask? Trust me that it's not a fashion statement. Unfortunately, they have found out that classic ties are...wait for it...A SAFETY HAZARD!!!
In a reply to Mr. Liu's ridiculous request, Paul Browne said:
“The NYPD makes reasonable accommodations for religious beliefs, and already allows Sikh members of the service to wear turbans that fit under department headgear,” said NYPD spokesman Paul Browne.
Browne said beards are allowed to a certain length. But he added, “Police officers are required to wear emergency equipment, including gas masks that beards of a certain length will break the seal and allow air in a contaminated atmosphere to enter, defeating the mask’s effectiveness.”

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/liu_let_sikh_cops_wear_turbans_bQa4kPF5aD07jK4AHLt93N#ixzz23RIPR9QZ

 
AGAIN...a safety issue. 
Before I pop a vein, let me just say this:
The New York Daily News has reported this recently...
Monday, July 02, 2012
CITY CONTROLLER John Liu now has more problems to worry about — 527,000 of them, actually.
The beleaguered Democrat, who is already trying to fend off a federal investigation into alleged fund-raising irregularities in his 2013 mayoral campaign, is now on the hook for a fine of a half-million dollars for essentially littering the city with political signs during his 2009 controller campaign.

Hmmmm...seems as if Mr. Liu has bigger fish to fry. Like I proposed to him in an earlier tweet, perhaps he should stick to comptrolling. Either way, I firmly believe that ANY candidate who wishes to be the next Mayor of my great City should be required to do a ride-along with the NYPD in some of the more sketchy neighborhoods. Why not? They're asking their public servants to take a walk on the wild side more often than not...I'm sure they can spare one night.
Or can they? Still waiting to hear from Mr. John C. Liu...

Eavesdropping

"Well, she's kind of a crackhead and sometimes a prostitute." Roc says this as if he's discussing the price of lettuce.
I almost spit out my drink.
"How can you be kind of a crackhead and sometimes a prostitute?" I pause. "It's like being a little pregnant."
He rolls his eyes. "It's like this: she smokes crack, but not all the time, and then she prostitutes herself occasionally in order to get money for the crack. But they live in a real apartment, not a crackhouse, and it's not like she's a streetwalker in Hunt's Point."
"Okay. I get it. Thanks for clarifying."

Special Moment

Photo by...Me!

 Yesterday, it all came to a head. I've been burning the proverbial candle at both ends for a solid couple of weeks now, and while I was running around pounding mileage on my car in the heat, I got Roc on the phone and I just sort of unloaded.
"Well, when do you need to leave the house today?" I sighed. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm in a long-distance relationship, even though we live in the same house. 
"By eleven."
"Great. I'll be home by noon."
Every so often, we get locked into a pattern when our schedules are totally opposite. The past couple of weeks have been like that...a quick goodbye kiss on the forehead while I'm still trying to catch a couple of hours of sleep, my tiptoeing out of the house while I long to be up in bed, cuddling with my husband and puppy.
I sort of lost it. I started ranting about how something's gotta give. Our schedules are impossible. We need to move. I can go on, but...you get the picture.
One of my many stops yesterday morning was to go see my therapist. Yes, I'm a card-carrying member of the Therapy Club...and quite honestly don't understand why the whole rest of the world isn't. As I sat there, trying to breathe, bitching and unloading the frustration I've been experiencing, I happened to mention that yesterday was the first anniversary of the day my Gram died.
"What would you like to do, for you, to commemorate her?" She asked gently.
"I just want to be left alone and bake a banana nut bread." I started crying. I longed to be home, to be done with work for the day, to get out of the car and off the phone, and my day was just not going to enable me to do that.
She urged me to find time for me. I agreed. I still had a lot left to do, but I started planning my weekend and I swore not to take on any clients, or friends, or any more of my family's dysfunction.
I pointed the car home. Roc had already left for work, and I needed to finish a few things before heading back out to work for Round Two. Right before I left again, I took the dog out for a walk, and ran into a neighbor that also has a small dog. She's incredibly nice, and although I don't know her well, I always find myself looking forward to interacting with her. I told her I would follow her back to her house, as I was headed in that direction anyway. I intended on making the loop up by her place and then heading back to my house. As we pulled up to her house, I was saying my goodbyes when she said, "Wait! Oh, Stella, will you take these?"
I looked over to her stairs to see that someone had sent her a big bouquet of flowers, and she was handing them to me. She went on to explain that she had an Aunt that always sent her flowers, but she found she couldn't keep them, as her cat ate them, and it always made her nervous as she didn't know which flowers could be poison.
"Are you sure?" I felt a little weird taking her present.
"Yes! Of course! You see, it was meant to be that I ran into you. Enjoy them."
I took the bouquet and balanced it under my arm as I led my dog back to our house. As I walked, I was ruminating over how nice this neighbor was, when just then I had an incredibly strong feeling wash over me. I thought about my Grandmother and I swore I heard her whisper something in my ear. I felt a peace I can't quite explain, and then I realized something...I might not have had the time to bake a banana nut bread yesterday...but in the midst of my busy, God found a way to meet me, and remind me, that even though my day was chaos, He knew my innermost thoughts, He felt my loss, and He got it.
For that, I am grateful.

Find Your Greatness

I feel like if you haven't already seen this commercial or at the very least heard about it, you are either dead or in some other land that has no television. But just in case you missed it---I am posting it here, because the message is so important.
Working in the Fitness Industry, I see a ton of people with body image issues. I myself suffered from some pretty severe eating/exercise issues for quite some time; and let me just say that you're kidding yourself if you think that the majority of the people involved in the Fitness industry didn't at one point have some type of body issue.
I've used exercise to tamp down my anxiety, to distract me from worry, to decrease stress, to escape from real life, to keep myself in shape, to level off my blood sugar, to look good, to feel better, and then to make a living. It has saved me many times. The funny thing is that I don't look like a "typical" fitness instructor. What do you think fit looks like? Have you ever wondered, while reading my plight and various pages, what this girl Stella looks like? I'll tell you this: I wear an American size 8 or 10. I think most people picture a fitness instructor as someone who sports a size 3.
Here's the good news: I am stronger than most women my age...younger...and older than me. I am fit and flexible. I am not paper-thin. I have curves. (Hello...I'm Italian!) I love to eat. I love to work out. And I have found my greatness.

This Week

This week two years ago, I lost my Aunt and my Stepmother within days of each other. On Monday, my Stepmother died suddenly as I was on my way to my Aunt's wake, and then the rest of the week played out like this:

Tuesday---Aunt's Wake
Wednesday---Aunt's Funeral
Thursday---StepMom's Wake
Friday---StepMom's Funeral
It was one of the most awful weeks of my life; I was buried in shock, grief, and misery. It was a week I won't soon forget, and one I wish I could.
This week one year ago, I lost my Beloved Grandmother to a prolonged battle with Alzheimer's. I spent the week much the same way;  at a wake and a funeral, and then indulging in vats of comfort food, taking in more than one person could ever need. My Dad and brother were steeped in the first-year anniversary blues, and there I was, dealing with another staggering loss in my life.
It was another terrible week.
I dreamt of my StepMom last night. She was talking to me, and for some reason, I was the only one who could hear her. I told her how every time I saw sunflowers, I thought of her. I can't recall much else of the conversation, but I know it was good.
I miss her.
I miss my Grandmother, but it in a very different way; she lived a long life, and suffered such a long, protracted illness, that when she finally passed, I was happy to see her go on and be free of this life and its pain.
My Stepmom was in the prime of her life; she died so suddenly, that a part of me still can't believe she's gone. I miss her in ways that I cannot explain.

Beautiful image by dabi

So...here I am again. It's this week, and I am not hoping for a three-peat. I'm going to enjoy the Olympics and take care of myself. I promise to check in with you guys a little more than last week. And, of course, I will be advocating for Cop's Wives everywhere. I'm going to try and make it as normal as possible. In fact, I'm rooting for boring.

New Career Path?

Note to Readers: I've had a crazy week, and I started drafting this yesterday before I had to go to work. Time got away from me, and I actually posted this draft for a short time by accident...when I meant to save it and finish it...sorry for any confusion. Of course, watching the Olympics around the clock has not helped me to get enough sleep or be coherent!   
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 I'm always interested in making connections. Do you bake? Oh, you own a bakery? I just happen to know a great baker who's looking for someone to...

...insert whatever scenario you like, that's just who I am. And I have a platform. Okay, a very small platform, but it comes with a microphone. So I will often times announce things to my fitness classes---at 30 or so people per class X how many classes a week---I figure I sometimes get to interact with a couple of hundred people per week. So I take advantage of it. Why not? I'll hawk someone's new invention or tell people about an upcoming event, maybe direct people towards a participant's website or whatever it is that comes up that day. I feel like networking is the only way anything moves along anymore.
As a result, I often end up talking to people about Law Enforcement. Sometimes people are just curious; I think especially because my husband is part of the World-Famous NYPD, they want the inside track on things, or perhaps they feel the need to verify something. But I've noticed lately that I keep running into people who are just starting their police career, and they want advice. The other day I was accosted by a Mom at my local pool; her son wants to become a cop and she had a handful of questions to ask. When we were done talking, she turned to me and said, "You should do this. You should figure out a way to help people, answer their questions, and steer them in the right direction."
I told her she was being kind.
But I have found myself in that position lately...an encourager of sorts...I recently picked up a new kid recruit on the Twitter feed who is right now going through the NYPD Academy. I find myself reliving it through him, but at the same time, ensuring him that he can do it...and that it will all be worth it in the end.
Maybe this Blog is another platform---not just a place for me to bitch and tell stories, but to exhort people---cops, cop's wives, cop's moms...whoever finds themselves living the LEO Life.
Of course, I'd like to think so.