Suddenly Cop Wife

Houston, We Have a Problem...

2012-02-14T12:11:00.002-05:00

Queens police officer is fourth NYPD suicide this year - NYPOST.com

Or...NEW YORK...we definitely have a problem here.

Part of the reason I started this blog was to create an opportunity for Police Officer's Wives to connect, and vent, and share the stories that bind us all together; those things that non-LEO Families just don't get...those inside jokes that only the significant other truly understands.

On this Valentine's Day, I am asking you to send love to this family and fellow officers throughout the land. Perhaps an extra hug and a kiss for your loved one; maybe some of you will be influenced to drop some baked goods off at your local police precinct. (Believe me, those guys will eat anything!) Either way, let someone know you care. It can't hurt.

And in the meantime...NYPD BRASS: Something smells. Big-time. And it's time to address it, and support your officers, and reach out to those on the front lines.
Because they are your biggest asset. Let's stop being afraid of the repercussions: real or imagined. It's time to "MAN UP" and stop worrying about numbers, and outcomes, and what the press will say. Trust me, they're going to talk about you either way. Let's let them talk about something good for a change.

Narcotics

2012-02-13T08:55:00.004-05:00

The one thing I really did not want Roc to do when he became a cop was get into the Narcotics Division. I presented my case in such a way that he wholeheartedly agreed with me. I didn't even have to launch into my endless diatribe about how I had the unfortunate luck to grow up living with a drug addict; that they were by nature unpredictable, and that the drugs would always put him at a disadvantage. He got it, right away, and agreed with me.
What's funny is that he deals with intoxicated people all the time. It is also not funny. If I had to put a random number to it, I would say that Roc interacts with people that are high on some sort of drug about eighty percent of the time that he's on patrol.
I realize that if your significant other serves in a more rural or suburban area that the statistics may not be the same; the numbers might be skewed more towards the average law-abiding citizen. But where Roc is stationed it's another world. Often times a drug-infested world.
When Whitney Houston passed this weekend, I couldn't help but write a little bit about it on the SCW Facebook page. If you'd like to read what I wrote, hop on over to Facebook and feel free to join the group while you're there. What I wrote is the unvarnished truth about how I feel; I was not shocked by her demise.
Some are saying she was found with Xanax in her system, and that there were prescription pill bottles found in her hotel room post-mortem. So what? They're still drugs. Just because they are prescription does not make them any less dangerous. Drugs that may have very little affect on someone who does not have a prior addiction, but for a woman who has admitted to battling with drugs...when do we learn the lethal lesson of drugs, or alcohol mixed with drugs? How many people have to die before we finally say ENOUGH?!

Oh Puh-lice!

2012-02-10T09:01:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I had the TV on while I was getting ready to leave for work. Apparently, when I had turned the TV off the night before, I had been perusing NBC. When I turned it on yesterday, it went directly to NBC, and the Ellen Show was on. She caught my attention with a segment called, "Oh, Puh-lice!" Having never seen it before, I found it quite funny, and although this one's not the segment that aired yesterday...it's indicative of what I saw on the show. I laughed; I can't begin to tell you how many crazy phone calls the Police get where my husband works.
Enjoy and Happy Friday!

A Cop's Kid: Part Four

2012-02-08T10:05:00.002-05:00

Let's face it: he was an easy target. The NYC Police Commissioner's Son. A Former Marine; a war correspondent, as well as a popular television anchor. Today, that same news is reporting that the case has collapsed against Greg Kelly.

Kelly,(43), was accused by a 29-year old paralegal of rape after they had sex in her bosses' law office after a night out. However, the texts between the pair after the alleged rape happened convinced prosecutors that no rape occurred.

It's a tricky situation: public opinion was firmly in Kelly's corner, if for no other reason that the woman waited three months to report the alleged rape. I spoke to a friend of my husband's on Saturday---another cop---and he thought the allegations were ridiculous on their face. He cited his reasons, and swore that none of them had anything to do with the fact that Ray Kelly authorized his paycheck.

The only problem here is that when a woman is genuinely raped in New York, it makes it all that much harder for her to make a claim. Greg Kelly's reputation has been sullied, but people soon forget, and since he was found to be the victim here, the court of public opinion stands firmly in his corner. He will go on; time will pass, and that's the end of that.

Girl Talk

2012-02-06T11:25:00.003-05:00

I was talking to a girl friend of mine over the weekend, who was most recently dating a Federal Agent, and as we were busily dissecting his most curious dating behavior, I heard myself say:
"Well, I think he's being an asshole, but not like a felonious asshole. More like a misdemeanor asshole."
Yes, I actually said that. Which is how girls who are dating guys in law enforcement end up talking. Of course, if it weren't so funny, it would be sad.

Prayers and Good Energy

2012-02-02T09:07:00.002-05:00

I am asking everyone to send prayers and good energy towards Brother NYPD Officer Kevin Brennan who was shot in the head late Tuesday night in Brooklyn...he is in stable condition after a bullet was removed from the base of his skull. His wife just gave birth SIX weeks ago; and I cannot even imagine the emotional roller coaster she is on right now...please send love their way at this very difficult time.

For those of you not from the NYC area: he is in the hospital in Manhattan, but the couple lives on Long Island; that alone is logistically trying; add in a newborn, raging hormones, and the sheer trauma of her husband being shot and this Cop Wife needs all the help, love, and prayers we can offer up at this time.

Of course, the perp has FOURTEEN prior arrests and the little bastard actually had the nerve to make "kissy-face" noises and rant and rave while being walked out of the station house after this last arrest. He will be charged with attempted murder of a police officer, assault on a police officer, criminal possession of a weapon, and menacing.

Not enough, as far as I'm concerned.

He and his Perp-a-licious family can all go to hell. I saw the "Perp Walk" on TV last night and was disgusted to see his family cheering him on and shouting their undying love for him from behind the barricades, all while tussling with reporters and police.

Here's the kicker:

The Brennans' landlady, Catarina Didrickson, said the family moved to the neighborhood, which has a New Hyde Park mailing address, about two years ago.

"When I heard this, I asked myself, 'Why in the world does someone become a cop?' " she said.

To read more:
http://www.newsday.com/long-island/nassau/kelly-suspect-may-have-tried-2nd-shot-1.3494964?qr=1

SCW

2012-02-01T11:04:00.002-05:00

I had somebody ask me the other day: are you still suddenly a cop's wife? Hasn't it been a while now?
Yes.
And no.
Yes, it's been a while now. But the place I'm in never ceases to amaze me; that I am still left hanging until the day before a big event to find out if he "can" go or not...I find it bizarre that a 40-year-old adult often has to strategize how and precisely when to ask for a Saturday off in February because of the Powers That Be. Keep in mind that Roc has tons of time saved, but the NYPD is like pulling teeth when it comes to knowing any one thing in advance.
Which makes me (still) feel as if I am thrust into the role of suddenly being in the midst of something I didn't sign up for...and therefore the blog name...stays.

A Cop's Kid: Part Three

2012-01-31T10:45:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I pulled a video off of You Tube, but today that video is deemed private, and I have been getting feedback from different people saying the link doesn't work. After checking out You Tube and various other sites, I was unable to find a serviceable link. The point of the clip was to illustrate John Coughlin in the "Kiss-and Cry" area directly after his championship skate. The announcer was telling the story of his Dad, as John ripped off his costume to reveal a "POLICE" T-shirt: I believe that his Dad is a Sergeant with the Kansas City Police Dept, and could not be there with his son because of his job, but as the two skaters were waving and crying into the TV screen, John was showing off his Police Pride, shouting out to the Kansas City PD, and thanking his Dad.
It was as cool moment. I wish they had left that in, but I totally understand why they pulled the video; these US Champs are on their way to the Worlds in two weeks time, and they probably can't risk anyone trying to steal elements from their routine.
This is a Cop's Kid to keep an eye on---now---and if my hunch is right, through the next Winter Olympics!

A Cop's Kid: Part Two

2012-01-30T10:59:00.004-05:00

Since I have been laid up with the (IN-)Famous Foot, I have taken to keeping up with US Figure Skating, and found that I truly enjoy watching the sport, and that I've missed it. Skating has always been a big part of my life; I actually used to skate competitively at one point as a child, and either way, it's something I've always shared with my now deceased Grandmother. We would watch it together---in person or over the phone---and always found ourselves cheering for the same people, throughout the season and right up through the Winter Olympics.
If you have the time to check this out, I assure you that it's an inspirational performance. Even more...it's a cop's kid who won the Gold and still managed to give props to Dad in the "Kiss-and-Cry" station.
If you don't have time...peek in at about six minutes...
I guarantee it will make you smile!

A Cop's Kid

2012-01-27T09:08:00.003-05:00

Just this week, Dr. Phil had a raging teenager on his show...the title of the show:
17 and OUT OF CONTROL!
She was a cop's kid.
Remember the guy you were friends with in high school whose father was a police officer? Depending on where you grew up, that might have been a cool thing...or perhaps not. Maybe you were on the wrong side of the law and you avoided that kid and his Dad like the plague.
If you are considered a Legacy (parent having served with the NYPD)the NYPD will give you five to ten points right at the start of your initial exam. That's a five-point lead if you are or were a Cop's Kid.
Perhaps you are raising a Cop's Kid right now.
This week, the NYPD's Top Cop---Commissioner Ray Kelly---was under fire because his kid has become the subject of a sexual assault probe in NYC. The double whammy is that Greg Kelly is famous in his own right; he is a well-known news anchor on the local Fox affiliate. The coverage on this has been spotty thus far; yet we all know how the Media loves to skewer their own. As of now, Greg Kelly has strenuously denied any wrongdoing, and is cooperating fully with the DA's office, as the case was handed to their investigators, rather than the NYPD. It was a wise move, as the NYPD and Ray Kelly cannot allow for even the appearance of impropriety.
The news on this is still unfolding, and I'm sure all New Yorkers will stay tuned. I will say just this: that is one Cop's Kid I would not want to be right now.

Silent Epidemic: Part Two

2012-01-26T11:16:00.003-05:00

There was another suicide within the NYPD this past week: a rookie cop who had just graduated from the Academy in December took his own life after fleeing a crash less than a mile from his Westchester County home. The NYPD grapevine was buzzing, because he was so new; a Bronx cop with a bright future. Apparently, the crash was DWI-related, and this young officer felt that ending his life would be a better resolution than facing the consequences. Of course, the same questions need to be asked here too: how the hell did he make it through the psychological testing? Did the NYPD send the usual contingency to his burial? How come I heard about this first through alternative news sources, and not the regular NYC suspects, like the Times, the Daily News, or the Post? What about his family?
Since he was so new---just a few weeks "on the job"---in all likelihood, there is no partner to inquire to; it seems like a senseless case of panic, and my heart breaks for this family.
My sincere hope is that they will find peace in time.

Silent Epidemic

2012-01-25T12:09:00.001-05:00

Every 14.2 minutes someone in the United States dies by suicide.
That means that by the time you're done perusing the Web right now, there is a strong likelihood that someone will have killed themselves.
The sad truth and something that people in Law Enforcement are anathema to admit is that suicide rates for police officers are higher than that of the general population.
"These folks are taught to suppress their emotions and soldier forward," says Elizabeth Dansie, a psychologist who works with California police agencies in the aftermath of suicides. "It's very difficult for them to admit they need help."
Late last week, the Wall Street Journal reported that an on-duty NYPD Officer committed suicide in Queens. Of course, my husband heard about this well before the Wall Street Journal reported it; the police grapevine, albeit thorny, is strong and alive and well. At first, I couldn't believe it, as the officer was still a newbie, and he apparently was on the phone with his girlfriend, hung up with her, put a gun in his mouth while responding to a call for a car burglary...and it just didn't make any sense.
Suicide rarely makes sense to the living; those who are left behind are usually left to pick up the scattered pieces, the shattered dreams...often without the help and understanding of those around them.
My life was first directly touched by suicide in 2005. My lovable cousin committed suicide, leaving behind a wife and three beautiful children, and my whole world was rocked. Although I had known others who knew someone whose life had been altered by suicide, I had not lived through the suicide of someone close to me up until that point. It was incredibly hard for me; I can still vividly recall searching my memory bank, trying desperately to remember every word of our last interaction. Should I have known? How could I not have known that someone in my life was that desperate and desolate? I suffered through crying jags that lasted for weeks, and months after his demise, I still felt an intense need to commemorate his life.
As for this NYPD Officer, I have no less than a thousand questions...the first being, how the hell did he make it through the psychological testing? Will the NYPD send the usual contingency to his burial? How come I heard about this first through alternative news sources, and not the regular NYC suspects, like the Times, the Daily News, or the Post? What about his family?
Most suicides pose more questions than answers. It is the nature of the act; the lack of closure, the agony of the living. My wish is for less suicide in today's world; for cops and civilians alike.

---------------------------------------------
I got the suicide statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
You can check it out at:

http://www.afsp.org

The Dichotomy

2012-01-21T13:23:00.002-05:00

"Otherwise, I'd work another job," he said. "A human wouldn't let another human sit down on the floor and die. I'd definitely do it again. You expect the city to back you up, that's why you take chances."

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/01/20/connecticut-officer-who-tried-to-save-dying-boy-to-receive-clarification-after/?test=latestnews#ixzz1k7PdXOCm

The Dichotomy of THE JOB is that Police Officers do things that other people would not, or could not, do in order to help the general public. This sorry tale is about a Connecticut Police Officer who tried in vain to save the life of a dying 10-year-old boy -- only to be notified by city officials that his heroic effort was not part of his job.

Really? Since When?

Apparently, the cop received a notice in the mail stating that:
...the incident was not "causally related to a work-related condition" and that city officials would contest workers compensation if he applied for it.

Meanwhile, here's the kick: the officer has NOT claimed any medical benefits. He simply wants to know if he'd be covered if he contracts any communicable diseases after being exposed to vomit during efforts to resuscitate the boy.

Is this too much ask? His City, Our City, EVERY CITY asks our Officers to don a bullet-proof vest each and every day, to put their lives at risk---and perhaps the lives of those they love---and they don't receive any back-up on the back end?
I'm sure this will be resolved, as right now, the City looks silly, and the cop looks like the Hero he signed on to be. But is it really necessary to go through all this rigamarole? Why can't we just say thanks, and give people their due in America today? When did it become unfashionable to do the right thing?

Wish List

2012-01-20T08:51:00.002-05:00

I wish my foot was done healing, that this dull ache would go away and that I could almost forget the trauma.
I wish I could lay off all the drugs.
I wish I didn't have to wear the ever-fashionable bootie.
I wish I wasn't worried about slipping and falling in snow or ice when I have to take out my dog.
I wish I could walk my dog.
I wish I could run and jump and play with my dog.
I wish my husband had a normal job so that I didn't have to take care of so much stuff on my own.
I wish people who I haven't heard from in months would stop calling me with sudden concern about my well-being.
I wish licorice had no calories.
I wish pizza had no calories.
I wish I didn't feel sorry for myself.
I wish I didn't see the scar yesterday when the Doc took off the bandage.
I wish my mind would stop telling me how lucky I am when so-and-so is dealing with so much more.
I wish I could focus on those people who are going through so much more.
I wish I would shut up.

Healing

2012-01-17T07:51:00.002-05:00

For those of you who might be wondering where I've been...I've been healing. An unfortunate side effect of the business that I'm in is that we sometimes get injured. I managed to sustain an overuse injury in my left foot, and after months of hoping and praying it would just go away, then being misdiagnosed, I finally ended up at the Ambulatory Surgery Unit of my local hospital yesterday morning. I got some screws put in, a sexy little boot to wear, and a handful of pain meds.
If you would have asked me last night how I was doing, I would have told you fine. As fine as could be expected. Until about 4:30 AM, when the pain meds suddenly wore off, and I passed out in the bathroom while reaching for the Advil, since I had left the pain meds three floors down and didn't want to wake up Roc. I managed to wake him up anyway, by falling into the counter, knocking over the garbage, and basically sprawling out on the floor.
Fun, huh?
I am writing this post because here's the proof positive that I am a Cop's Wife: all I kept thinking about is who the hell would want to be on these drugs?! My husband works in a world where people will steal, rob, maim, and sometimes even kill for the little white pills I have on my table. Really? So far I am just woozy, cranky, and my stomach is doing backflips. I can't wait to be off these meds and I am grateful that this is just a temporary situation. I guess, even in the midst of this annoying injury, that I am lucky. Better yet...I'm blessed.

Cop Wife Life

2012-01-12T09:16:00.002-05:00

There's a Fed who lives down the street from us. We're friends with him. I know, I know...but he's actually a great guy.
I was on my way home from work last night when I got an urgent call from Hubby, who was home before me.
"Yeah, I need to use your computer to print out something for Casaba. What's your password again?"
I tell him, then ask what Casaba needs.
"He needs to print out a Search Warrant. His team is going in at Midnight."
I love it. In a Cop's Wife's Life the neighbor doesn't need to print a coupon or a recipe, but a search warrant. I'm waiting for someone else to knock on the door and borrow a cup of bullets!

Stupid Criminals File

2012-01-11T11:02:00.003-05:00

Trust me, NYC has its share of stupid criminals. I actually believe that most criminals are stupid; that is the precise reason my husband has a (very busy) job.

However, as I perused the Web this morning, I came across this item, and I just had to share:

KOUTS, Ind. – Authorities say a handcuffed man has stolen a police cruiser in northwest Indiana, and he radioed police for help in finding the car's cigarette lighter and a key to unlock his hands.

Investigators were still looking for 22-year-old William Francis Blankenship early Wednesday morning.

Police say he somehow escaped from the back of the vehicle and fled Tuesday evening after he was arrested on drug charges in Kouts, a small Indiana town about 50 miles southeast of Chicago.

Police say it's the only Kouts police car on the road and that there are loaded guns in the vehicle.

The Merrillville Post-Tribune reports that the man can be heard asking police over a radio about a key to the handcuffs and where the car's cigarette lighter was located.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/01/11/handcuffed-man-steals-police-car-radios-about-cars-cigarette-lighter/?test=latestnews#ixzz1jAMRD9yg

Leandra's Law

2012-01-10T09:37:00.003-05:00

Leandra's Law is a law that was recently passed in New York State. What it did was make it an automatic felony on the first offense to drive drunk with a person under the age of fifteen inside the vehicle. Of course, the New York State Assembly only passed this law after the death of a child, in this case a little girl named Leandra Rosado. I believe she was eleven when she was killed in a car crash with six other children in the car. The other six children were injured.

The other night, my husband and his partner arrested a woman who was driving drunk with two children under the age of five in the backseat of her car. Luckily, she hit a parked car, and the children were all right, but...really?
Apparently the husband/boyfriend was drunk as a skunk in the front seat, and they felt that she was the best bet to drive.
They charged her with Leandra's Law. She won't be driving for a long time now.
My only sadness about this is that a young girl had to die in order to drive home the point that reckless adults should not put a child's life in jeopardy. But isn't that always the way?

Goodbye Tree

2012-01-06T09:31:00.002-05:00

This weekend, I will need to De-Christmas my house. I am not only completely disinterested in doing this, I am actually sad, and would at this point rather put a roofing spike through my head than take down my tree.
It seems disloyal.
I know it sounds crazy. Perhaps I am off the rails, but let me just say this: when I saw naked trees discarded at the roadside while walking my dog yesterday, I felt a curl of sadness snake its way through my heart. These symbols of Christmas...do we just toss them aside when we are finished with them, forgetting the joy they brought to our home, our celebration, and our hearts? Do other people rejoice in the tearing down of things, the quick move to the next season? Is it just me who feels that the house looks empty and desolate as we pack away our cherished things? I mean, I get the fact that the tree is an inanimate object, but I think it speaks to a greater theme: how often do we get rid of things casually, when their use is through, and do we even consider the sea change that tumbles in our hearts?
As I painstakingly repack all my various treasures this weekend, I know I will recount Christmases Past and think ahead to Christmas Future. I may even pour myself a hot cocoa to feel the warmth of the season as it slowly departs my home.

Meal

2012-01-04T11:27:00.002-05:00

For those of you not familiar with the NYPD parlance: whenever anyone in the NYPD gets a break for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, they call it "meal." The reason why is because it can be any of the above.
Last night, Roc and I had a rare night off together. We went to use a Christmas gift certificate and when we got home he turned to me and asked, "So did you enjoy meal?"
"You mean my dinner?" I gave him a screwy look, and then we laughed.
I think he needs a few more days off!

What Should I Do If I'm Stopped by the POLICE?

2012-01-03T09:24:00.003-05:00

I don't even know where to begin. The other day, Rocco comes home, hands me a pamphlet, and says: "Take a look at this."
Apparently, there is a State Assemblyman that serves a portion of the South Bronx that found it necessary to print out and distribute a leaflet with the above title. This handy-dandy perp manual offers fabulous advice, such as:
* Be polite and respectful.
* Never bad mouth a police officer.
* Ask for a lawyer immediately upon your arrest.
Okay so far, you say...
* If you feel your rights have been violated, file or call in a complaint with the Civilian Complaint Review Board at...

The tone continues, tilted toward those who already have a police bias. As if this wasn't enough, he goes on to say:

It's important however to note that most police officers are decent professionals who are committed to serving the community and conducting themselves as New York City's Finest. The big problem you face, however, is that you never know when the officer who stops you is a model cop, or one about to become a "rogue cop" at your pain. You may have to go along to get along.

I am quoting DIRECTLY from this piece of garbage.

REALLY?!?!?!

THIS is the advice you have to give to your constituents?!
THIS is what you have to say to the people you are supposed to serve...?!

And Believe Me, I would love nothing more than to shout-out this so-called public servant here, now, and again and again----------be sure that the ONLY reason I am not revealing his name and office phone number is because it will then better reveal my husband's position while at work.

What I can say is this: Mr. Assemblyman: YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
How dare you! First of all, I somehow did not need this manual growing up: I knew what to do if I had the occasion to be stopped by the police...COMPLY. That being said, the general tone of this so-called guide is not helpful, it is an outrageous attempt to act as if he is being helpful, but it is a veiled attempt at saying to the people in this neighborhood, "I am on your side. The cops are not."

Which is exactly what the police serving this neighborhood do not need. They need to have a leader who encourages people to trust and respect the law enforcement officers who are assigned to these tough neighborhoods. They need to have an opportunity to make a difference; not to be judged immediately because they are... blue.

Sad Opening

2012-01-02T11:38:00.002-05:00

It's both sad and tough to open up the New Year with a post about yet another LEO having been shot, but it's happened again in the NYC area.
This New Year's Eve, an off-duty Federal Agent died while confronting a pharmacy robber in a small town on Long Island. He was there picking up his elderly father's cancer medication while the whole thing went down; the robber/drug addict was also shot to death, which is the one bright light in this sorry tale.

Veteran agent John Capano: Rest In Peace.

I will tell you that I am tired of writing these posts. A LEO friend posted on his FB today that 163 U.S. Law Enforcement Officers were killed in the line of duty in 2011. He says:
I don't bring this up to create sympathy for law enforcement, but to maybe help people understand the difficulty of decision making in the job, and why officers sometimes behave the way they do. This and the military are one of the few jobs that one can't protect oneself simply by being "safer", as these jobs have the unique characteristic of danger coming from other intentional and motivated human beings.
A valid and valuable point.
I make no excuse for my husband; he is a Police Officer with a clean heart and is motivated to do good so that good people can live their lives in peace. If in fact the day comes when he has to use his weapon and actually kills someone, I will be the first to support him in any way, shape, or form.
Those of us who do not carry a badge/shield have no idea what it's like to have to make a split-second, life-altering decision. Therefore we cannot judge it.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T13:41:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading a great book entitled Lost December by Richard Paul Evans. It was an emotional journey; a great metaphor for the timeless Prodigal Son story, and timely in so many ways. That said, there are strategically placed diary excerpts written by the protagonist, peppered throughout the book. One that really spoke to me seems fitting for this turn of the page, from 2011 to 2012.

On the calendar, all days look the same, but they do not carry the same weight.
---Luke Crisp's Diary

Heinous

2011-12-29T09:00:00.002-05:00

I was perusing the Web this morning and I came across dozens of those end-of-the-year wrap-up type of lists that we all love to hate: Top 10 Celebrities You Would Most Want As Your Neighbor/The 5 Things Your Trainer Won't Tell You/Most Ridiculous Quotes of 2011.
I can go on, but being that it's December 29th, I'll spare you.
The point is that it got me thinking. What's the most heinous crime you heard about this year? And, in terms of crime, what exactly do you consider heinous? The NYPD just released their end-of-year crime statistics at a press conference yesterday. It seems that rape and sexual assaults are up in my fair city and both have been reported at a three to four percent increase in 2011. (Note to Ray Kelly: all crime is up in NYC) The Commissioner mused that perhaps these types of crimes are simply being reported more often. (Because crime can't possibly be going up)Perhaps.
That said, here's where my mind went: I think rape is a pretty disgusting and terrifying crime. But what is it that you think is the most heinous crime? I asked my Dad this question once, and he cited crimes by brutal dictators, like Saddam Hussein. I found this response interesting, as I was thinking more along the lines of sexually molesting a child. Then again, I saw a news story last night that told a story about two elderly people being duped and robbed, the burglars stealing the woman's wedding and engagement rings, along with all of her costume jewelry, and I thought that I would like to hang those scumbags. Perhaps it's all relative.
What say you? What do you think is the most heinous crime? What about your Cop?

Another World

2011-12-28T06:29:00.002-05:00

Not too far away from me---and let's face it, some days not far enough---there exists another world. This other world is known as The South Bronx, or as we like to affectionately call it: SoB. In this alternate universe, kids go missing on a somewhat regular basis, and there are often parents who cannot be pulled away from their PlayStation long enough to be questioned about the whereabouts of their child, step or otherwise.
So the siblings, each of which who sport a different last name, fill in the blanks for the police who stand waiting at the ready to help; often times the siblings are younger than the missing and therefore very little help at all. On Christmas Eve, my husband took a missing. As he began to get pieces of the story, it came out that the missing child had gotten into a fight with one of the siblings while at the local McDonald's.
Now here's the part I love the best: as Roc is relaying this potentially heartbreaking tale to me, my Italian heart and mind zeroes in on and then transfixes on the fact that these kids were about to have Mickey D's for Christmas Eve Dinner.
Mickey D's?!?! On Christmas Eve?!
Obviously, there are bigger issues at play here, but...really?
Perhaps all this family needs is a healthy dose of pasta and a homemade meal!
Set me loose: I will feed these kids so full there will be no energy left to fight with each other, and certainly not enough to get off the couch, much less run away and go missing!
Said with my tongue in cheek and my belly full, the good news is that the kid was found and returned to said parents.
Or is that the good news?

Enough Said

2011-12-25T12:14:00.001-05:00

Here Comes Santa Claus...

2011-12-24T10:49:00.003-05:00

...right down Santa Claus Lane!

I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas! Enjoy!

Season of Desperation

2011-12-23T08:41:00.002-05:00

For the past three nights, my husband has not had enough time to stop for a meal. SoB has been poppin' off: robberies and burglaries galore, just in time for Christmas. Shots fired here, a subway robbery there, a bodega knocked off for a mere forty dollars. People wigging out on PCP, children being removed from their parents, and more than the usual chaos in the depths of the Bronx.
The Holidays always seem to bring out the best in us, don't they?

Change

2011-12-22T08:50:00.002-05:00

The only thing constant is change.
Our neighbors are moving out; new neighbors are pulling into the driveway as we speak. I think about moving into a new place the week of Christmas and it makes me shudder. I shake my head at least twice. Who knows why they chose to do that...I know that the now old neighbors wanted to be out by the end of the year...perhaps the new neighbors don't celebrate Christmas...I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

At my husband's SoB Precinct, there's been a few new bosses, a couple of people are being promoted, and therefore moving to other boroughs. They may be better; they may be worse. I guess he'll see soon enough.

Christmas Eve I will have my father come to me. Now that my Stepmother is gone, we've walked into a new tradition; a new normal, at least for now. My Grandmother being gone is also a new normal for me this Holiday Season; one that I've already decided I don't like at all. My Grandmother was Christmas. She made every Holiday bright.

I am reminded of a song made popular by Faith Hill, originally written by Mariah Carey:

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too?

Deep Thoughts About Christmas

2011-12-21T13:25:00.004-05:00

At the risk of sounding like Jack Handey---some of you remember this character; the rest of you should look him up---I have some observations about various Christmas songs that I'd like to share:

Right now, somebody out there's donning gay apparel.
So what is it that makes the apparel gay?
NATURE OR NURTURE?!

Do They Know It's Christmas by Band Aid is a song I'd like to out right now: What the hell was Bono thinking?
"Well, tonight Thank God it's them...instead of you...!"
Now there's the Christmas Spirit! Screw the Africans! Just Thank God you're not living their miserable existence as you chug another egg nog and unwrap something else you have no need of...I love it!

Don't get me started on Jewish People singing crappy Christmas songs...hello Neil Diamond...just what the hell is a CHERRY CHERRY CHRISTMAS? Can't he just continue to scream "TODAY!" in the midst of America, so that we can all raise our flags in solidarity?! Come on, Neil! TODAY!

And why do people actually request these songs on the radio, then dedicate them to people who will never hear them? Do you really believe that your long-lost love who lives in Wisconsin is tuned into The Delilah Show on his PC at the precise moment that you request What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? I'll tell you what he's doing: he's all cuddled up with his new girlfriend, in front of a roaring fire, sipping a hot toddy. There! There's your request!

Here's hoping that I made you smile, chuckle, or even laugh a little bit in the midst of Holiday Madness. If you have any thoughts to add, feel free to pile on. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, after all!

The Sadness

2011-12-19T06:32:00.003-05:00

The sadness that permeates my household is palpable this morning; my husband is wearing a mourning band across his shield and he's got his dress blues on. The moment I woke up and saw him, I heard my heart say: those poor girls.
I wonder if Christmas will ever be the same for them. I wonder if they will see all the pomp and circumstance through their many tears.
My husband did not know this officer; does it matter? He will be with his brothers today...probably no where near the family or the casket, perhaps stationed at the school across the street from the funeral home. His words: because that's what we do.

Rest In Peace, Officer Figoski.

Last-Minute Gift Idea

2011-12-15T09:05:00.002-05:00

A short while ago, I was asked to read and review this book for my blog. The author is a former NYPD Officer who now works with celebrities as a top security consultant.
It was a great yarn, and although it is fiction, it's filled with a whole lot of real-life details about what it's really like to be a cop in SoB. I would often stop reading the book and ask my husband, "Don't you work on Hoe Ave?"
Let's face it: Hoe Avenue? It stands out, people.
Throughout this read, there were a lot of times I was able to envision exactly what was going on because of the stories my husband has told me and the great detail the author used in describing the area, as well as the life of an NYPD Officer.
I thought the plot was engaging and I really loved the characters. It was a fast read and would make a great gift for a member of the NYPD or any LEO that's interested in the nitty gritty that goes on in the South Bronx.

You can get the book---or any of his books--at:

http://www.thomasfitzsimmons.com/Books.html

Or they are available on www.AMAZON.com----check it out, he's worth the read.

The Aftermath

2011-12-14T12:46:00.002-05:00

In the aftermath of the tragic death of our brother Officer, Peter Figoski, there are five cretins in custody, and they have been remanded without bail to Rikers Island Correctional Facility.
Four of the five will be facing murder charges.

This from New York One:

Investigators say Pride (the main perp) had 10 prior arrests and an outstanding warrant for his arrest for his alleged involvement in the shooting of a man in North Carolina.

He was arrested several times in New York alone, most recently on drug charges in Brooklyn on November 3.

"This judge did not look at the complete history of this perp. A history of violent crime, a warrant in North Carolina. That alone was enough to remand this person to prison, and she chose to release him of his own recognizance. That means that he's allowed to go back out on the street and commit crimes," said Pat Lynch, PBA President.

I cannot concur more. Let me say this to the judge who allowed this career criminal freedom: SHAME ON YOU. I would like to offer out this scenario: How about you, Miss Justice, knock on the door of the four young girls who no longer have their father this Christmas and explain sentencing leniency?

What's done is done. The 7-5 Precinct in Brooklyn just lost a fine officer, four girls lost a father, and nothing can change that. I offer out my heart and my prayers for all those who will feel this loss; I urge everyone in the LEO Community to spread some kindness today to a Cop's Family...perhaps this cop's family...and know that at times like these, we all bleed blue.

A Sad Day for the NYPD

2011-12-13T09:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a sad day for the NYPD. I was just beginning to get my day together yesterday morning when I got a text from a friend: Sorry about police officer. Since Roc was home with me, I didn't completely panic, but I hadn't checked the news yet. Once I did I found out about one of our own being shot and killed by yet another career criminal.
(Read: scumbag.)

Officer Peter Figoski was shot in the face early Monday.

Two years after he could have retired from police work with a full pension, Figoski was responding to a routine call — backing up other officers checking out a report of an apartment break-in in Brooklyn.

He was met by a fleeing suspect who shot the 22-year police veteran in the face and killed him, police said.

To read more:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/2nd-suspect-sought-after-nypd-officer-shot-in-face-and-killed-responding-to-apartment-break-in/2011/12/13/gIQA3BEErO_story.html

Here's what bothered me the most: He was shot once at so close a range his collar brass flew off.
This man died (read: was murdered) two weeks before Christmas and leaves behind four daughters. My heart broke for this family when I heard the news and I know that I will be thinking of them over the Holidays, praying for some way for them to find peace in the midst of this awful tragedy.

In a totally unrelated story, a borough apart, a retired NYPD Officer shot and killed his wife in a heated domestic dispute. This is another seemingly senseless tragedy that her family will have to unravel throughout the holidays and beyond.

To read more:
http://blogs.wsj.com/metropolis/2011/12/11/tax-investigator-fatally-shot-by-husband-a-former-nypd-officer/

Rest In Peace Officer Peter Figoski and Tracey Young.

Highs and Lows

2011-12-09T08:03:00.002-05:00

Today I'm addressing the highs and lows in the media. Over the past twenty-four hours, we have seen a Police Officer killed at Virginia Tech. My heart bleeds for his family; once again here's a guy, just doing his job...ambushed in the line of duty. Although it is never a good time to lose someone we love, I think it's especially hard around the holidays, and I hated hearing about this on the news last night. It was a total "low," and I will be saying prayers today for his loved ones who are left behind.

Rest in Peace Officer Deriek W. Crouse.

In the "high" department: I just found out about a blog that features video reunions of Service Men and Women returning home to their loved ones. If you're like me, any time the news media highlights one of these stories, I break out the Kleenex and let it pour...something about the initial hug, kiss, clutch...grabs my heart in a way that nothing else can. A guy with a vision thought to centralize a bunch of reunions by posting these videos in one spot. Check it out at:

http://welcomehomeblog.com/

...just remember the tissues!

Scheduling

2011-12-08T08:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, Roc and I were talking and he mentioned a friend that had called him this week. They were catching up and then he asked the friend, "Hey, did you get our invite?" We have a big Christmas Bash every year at our house and we still hadn't heard back from him and his new wife. The friend responded, "Oh yeah, I saw the invite...I'll talk to Tammy and let you know."
The party is this weekend, and instead of being upset that they were taking so long to respond, do you want to know what I thought?
How nice.
How nice to be able to casually discuss a plan or an event mere days before it happens, and then make up your mind together and then just as casually decide to show. When Roc and I would like to attend an event we need to have a Round Table Discussion, whip out both his schedule and my schedule, plan for dog care if we're going to be out all day/night, and...here's the best part, wait for it...all of this happens at least a month in advance. Sometimes a friend will ask us out or over for dinner and I will look at when Roc next has weekends off, and we will throw something on the calendar for a time about six weeks in advance.
I can't remember a time when we were able to make a spur-of-the-moment decision like that; have I been a Cop's Wife too long now? Do all Cop's Wives go through this? Or do other cops have schedules that are more flexible? We know cops that have set days off...however we are not one of those families, as Roc has a rotating schedule. And here's the biggest question of them all: does it ever get better?

Hustle and Bustle

2011-12-06T10:03:00.002-05:00

We all do it...get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season...we say, "This year it's going to be different," but, more likely than not, we find ourselves rushing around, baking cookies while presents are being wrapped, the doorbell rings, a friend calls, and the next thing you know: Chaos!
I often find my peace in music. This time of year, I am known to break out the Christmas tunes the moment we wrap the Thanksgiving leftovers...and play them nonstop from then until the New Year breaks. Some secular, some religious, some a little bit of both. One particular favorite of mine is House Full of Love by Michael McDonald. It's a little-known Christmas song that goes a little something like this:
Let everybody else rush around, fight the crowds
Only to ask themselves why
All I need is just some mistletoe, you and I
Baby, I'm satisfied right here in your arms...
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm happy to have a House Full of Love this Christmas Season. So what's your favorite Christmas or Holiday song? What speaks to your heart this year? And what about your Cop?

Inter-Agency Cooperation

2011-12-05T09:53:00.002-05:00

The above picture is an LAPD Christmas ornament buddied up against an NYPD Christmas ornament; both are depictions of their department's shield/badge.
An LAPD CopWife sent this to me and I loved it...then I thought about the fact in just about a week, we'll be having our Annual Christmas Party, and like so many in Law enforcement, the room will be filled with other LEO types: the NYPD will be represented, a few local cops, hell, we've even invited a couple of Feds to round out the group. That night, there will be some "talking shop," but there will also be a whole lot of eating, and drinking, and Holiday Merriment. I find it amazing how all the people at our place will get along just fine; they'll be able to take each other in, and see each other's point of view, and certainly share more than a few laughs. Wouldn't it be nice if it could always be that way?

By the way, if you have a specific Police Department Ornament you'd like to see posted here, send me a pic: I'd love to show everyone the different Police Department Ornaments from around the globe.

Whac A Mole

2011-12-01T07:45:00.003-05:00

Every once in a while, Roc and I get into a conversation that goes a little something like this: "What would you do if you were the Police Commissioner?"
We talk about what works and what doesn't...what perhaps the Brass does not see versus the Boots-on-the-Ground. One of his more astute observations was this:
"The NYPD is playing a very sophisticated game of Whac-A-Mole."
Whac-A-Mole?
For those of you not in the loop, Whac-A-Mole is an old-school Arcade game. A classic Whac-A-Mole game consists of about five or more holes and a large black mallet. The moles pop up out of the holes at random and your goal is to bop them on the head with the mallet, nailing as many moles as you can; the more you hit, the higher the score. The only problem is that they keep popping up...you hit right, one pops up left...you never know where, and the whole thing seems sort of futile and virtually endless.
Last night, Roc got moved to yet another Bronx precinct because of a spike in crime in that area. Two nights prior, he was sent to a totally different section because there had been an emerging robbery pattern. So they pull resources from Roc's precinct---it wasn't just him, several cops were sent---and they put them elsewhere. Now who's going to be around to whack the moles in SoB?

Drop-offs

2011-11-29T09:01:00.003-05:00

This past Sunday, Roc said it was a busy day at his precinct. When I asked him why, he said, "a lot of drop-offs."
Drop-offs?
Apparently, when certain so-called adult parents of children can't get it together enough to exchange their children safely and civilly at the end of a visitation weekend...they are ordered by the court to drop off their children to the custody of the other parent under the watchful eyes of the NYPD, in the vestibule of their closest police precinct. Often times, these parents are not and have never been married. More likely than not, they have an order of protection out against the other. They can't police themselves, so they need the NYPD to do it for them.
I shook my head. I can't help but wonder how this affects the children they are passing off...does it drop a subconscious thought into that child's head about the police? What will this child's memories consist of...? Will it be something they can laugh off as they get older, when hearts have softened and perhaps the malice has faded? Or will they always resent one parent, the other, or both?
I think back on my parent's volatile divorce, and I can still vividly recall my father dropping me off at the end of the driveway, never darkening the doorway of our house once he left. It made me feel uncomfortable, and sometimes discarded. My entire life was spent having two birthdays; two Christmases; until my wedding day, I cannot recall a day when my parents were in the same room together...and I have definite feelings about it until this day.
So how will it affect these children? Will one of them want to become a cop one day? Or will one of them resent that blue uniform so much that he seeks to visit the precinct in an entirely different way?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T08:50:00.002-05:00

As I sit home and get ready to watch The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I have mixed emotions this year. I've had a special tradition that I've shared with my Grandmother every single year of my life: at the very end of the parade, the penultimate moment when Santa appears in his sleigh, at that precise moment, I would jump up and yell: "NANNY NAWS!!!!"
That was back when I couldn't say Santa Claus...but the tradition stuck, and I've never pronounced his name properly since then. Whether I was in the same room with my Grandmother or miles away...I would call her and yell across the miles, "It's Nanny Naws!" and we would laugh together.

This year, I have no one to call.
Her absence is felt on a daily basis, but I know that today there will be a particular void; a moment when I will feel her absence in a way that says this holiday is altered forever.

For all of you who are missing someone this Holiday...I wish you peace in the form of good memories, and a small, silent moment for remembrance.

I am thankful I had her in my life for as long as I did...and grateful for the special lady that made all my Holidays fabulous.

I wish you a glorious Thanksgiving.

Turkey Day on Friday

2011-11-23T14:07:00.002-05:00

Not sure how many other LEO families find themselves in this predicament...but Roc has to work on Thanksgiving, and because of the shift he has, dinner will be impossible. So we've decided to do Thanksgiving on Friday this year. Our families are used to switching it up, so no worries there, and having been on the same side as busy all week, all month, all year...I am happy to have the extra day in advance to clean up and prep.
I am thankful for all of the friends who have invited me over for tomorrow's feast; there are a select few who always look out for me and make sure that I am not alone on a Holiday. I am grateful for the food that will grace my table this Friday, and I am fully aware of all the blessings in my life. I'm pretty sure that's what it's all about, no matter the day. I toast you, my friends in the Blogosphere, and thank all of you for continuing on this journey with me.
A Very Happy Thanksgiving!

Just a Dog

2011-11-22T08:14:00.002-05:00

I am a dog. I like people, and I really liked my owners...they kept me warm and dry and fed, and even though they weren't home a lot, I was happy to see them when they came home to me. They seemed really nice when they helped me to give birth to my puppies, too...but then they tied me to a pole outside, and they just left me there. I don't know what I did or why they did that to me. I just wanted to take care of my pups. When the cop came up to me last night and began talking nice to me, I thought maybe I was going to be going back to my pups...but I wasn't sure...and he seemed really nice, but so did they...I didn't mean to snarl at him, or growl. I could tell he had a puppy at home, I could smell it all over him...so I wanted to trust him, but I was scared. I totally understand why he called ESU. When ESU arrived, they said something about the poor pit bull, and I think they were talking about me. I let them put me in a crate and then we went to my new home at the ASPCA. That same cop followed me there and stayed a while to talk with the new guy who gave me food. I was really hungry and thirsty, so I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention, but...I think the new guy said something about people breeding me right before Christmas so that they could make some money off my pups. I wondered where my puppies went, but eventually I just curled up to sleep, because I had been outside for a long time and I was really tired. Eventually, the cop came back over to me. I let him pet me and whisper in my ear. He seemed like the kind of guy I wouldn't mind going home with, and I thought his puppy must be really lucky. But what do I know? I'm just a dog.

Happy Friday

2011-11-18T08:03:00.002-05:00

I have declared today to be HAPPY FRIDAY! I will curb talk of Protesters and Wall Street...I honestly feel that if everyone stopped covering them that they might just go away anyway...therefore I intend to not waste too much time today ranting and raving about my opinions on this matter.

A Quick Update:
Roc's friend Lt. Mo got caught working 36 hours straight because of this ordeal.
Several NYPD officers got injured and were taken to area hospitals.
The general public is tiring of this...not to mention the people who have to work and exist in Downtown NYC.

AND...I am going to be happy today. In spite of what happens around me; although the world around me feels like it's in a tailspin and chaos rules the day...I declare a Happy Friday and I wish you one too. Who knows...if we try hard enough, maybe we can start a movement!

Nice Timing

2011-11-17T08:21:00.003-05:00

As the Occupy Wall Street Protesters up the ante, and thereby their antics, today...I find myself happy because Roc has the day off work.
"The protesters are calling for a massive event aimed at disrupting major parts of the city today," Deputy Mayor Howard Wolfson said. "We will be prepared for that."
Roc, by the way, is fine. He said he talked to a garbage man the other night down by the protests and the guy said that he has never in his entire life of being a "G-man" dealt with such filth. One of the cops that Roc was with asked, "The garbage or the people?"

The timing is right for a home-cooked meal, a glass of wine, and letting the whole world slip away. I want a few moments before the Holiday Crush; just me, Hubby, and Puppy Girl. And perhaps some dessert.

Hats and Bats

2011-11-16T11:32:00.002-05:00

Roc's precinct sent a contingency to help out down at Occupy Wall Street last night; they called for Hats and Bats, which in laymen's terms are helmets and batons.
For some reason, I felt that curl of worry snaking its way around my brain, same as when he's in SoB. I think it was the fact that he had all the extra equipment. There's something about the Riot Gear that tends to make a wife nervous. Or is it just me?

Your Weapon Please

2011-11-15T09:59:00.002-05:00

Since we've been talking about how the NYPD does things versus other departments, I decided to mention another interesting fact and see if this rule differs greatly from other departments across America and the world.
When Roc is not working, he is still required to be armed within the confines of the City of New York (The Five Boroughs) at all times. Let's say we're going to go into the City to see The Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center this Christmas Season. He has to bring along his duty weapon or off-duty weapon; one of the two that are authorized by the NYPD.
The only exception would be if he was unfit for duty; let's say he knew he was going to go out and get royally drunk at a bar, or if he was sick or hospitalized within the confines of the Five Boroughs. Then he would not be expected to carry any weapon, and of course it would be ill advised for a night on the town anyway.
So: how does your Department deal with this issue? Is there a rule, and if so, do you know it? Forget the Department...how does your husband feel? Do you feel a certain way about it? Would love to hear feedback on this ever-interesting topic.

Clearing It Up

2011-11-14T11:05:00.002-05:00

I live in a city of eight million people.
My husband is part of a police force of roughly 35,000.
Once I wrote my post about being a Cop's Wife and carrying a copy of my husband's shield and ID card, the comments began popping off faster than a round of bullets in the South Bronx any given Saturday.
Here's the deal:
The conversation began and was meant to explore the idea of discretion. Considering what has been going on inside the NYPD re: the ticket scandal, I decided to comment on the fact that in our City, a cop has always had full discretion in terms of writing a ticket to a Cop's Wife/Spouse/Partner, etc. In New York City, this generally does not happen. I can't speak for other municipalities and the way things work around the world. What I can say is this: if you live in a small town and a cop chooses not to ticket you without ID, but because they recognize you or know your name or your husband's name, then that cop is using discretion also. Unfortunately, with eight million people running around NYC, you need some identification to show who your husband is...especially in the case of an emergency. Don't kid yourself: we are not a city with one hospital, and it is widely known that there are hospitals that would take care to make sure that I was not in a room next to someone my husband had just arrested. If the idea of my ID galls you, then think of it in terms of this.
I just want to conclude that the ticket scandal is not about discretion at the scene; it's about burying an already written ticket. And it's not about whether the family member is above the law or not...it's about one cop doing a favor for another officer...keeping the brotherhood intact...and if you think for one minute the Three-Star Chiefs that preside over the NYPD right now didn't do the same exact thing when they were on patrol...you'd be very wrong in that assumption.

For everyone who commented and kept the conversation alive on the blog, I thank you...that's what this blog is all about. We can agree to disagree; we are all joined by the same common thread.

But for those of you who think you deserve the summons, please remember to ask the next time you get pulled over that the officer would please not use any discretion...because you want to be treated just like anyone else. Right?

Helping Each Other Out

2011-11-11T08:40:00.002-05:00

This post has little to do with being a Cop's Wife---or even a wife---but just a super-cool citizen of the good old U S of A.
The economy sucks. Let's face it: I don't want to get into the hows or whys; it just does. And The Holidays are looming. Even if you opt out of the entire season...I'm quite sure you still like to have your money in your own hands...and therefore, why not help each other out?

Do you have an online business that could use a little promoting? Or do you live in and around the NYC area and would like to see a little more traffic in your store? Let me know about it. If you aren't already on it, I have set up a SCW Facebook Page and that's what I use to promote things, or review things, or give something a great big "Like." Although I realize that a lot of LEO Families tend to refrain from Facebook, the SCW Page is an Open Group and anyone can join it. You don't even have to use your real identity...just join the group and message me, or you can always email me off-blog and I will gladly let people know about your business.

I am a firm believer in what comes around goes around, so let's help each other out! Why not? If us Cop Wives aren't pulling for each other...who will?

A Confession

2011-11-10T07:46:00.002-05:00

I have a confession to make: I pray for my husband every day. Most of the time, my prayers are incredibly informal, as I talk to God the way most people would talk to a friend. I consider myself more spiritual than religious, and I have opinions that run the gamut about who I think God both is and isn't...perhaps this will seem strange to some of you, but more often than not, it goes a little something like this:

Dear God, please keep Roc safe. Tonight and every night. I know it's stupid to pray that there will be no crime in his sector; but can you please make sure that he's not caught in the fray? Send angels to surround him at every turn. Let him arrive the minute before or after something happens---protect him, please---let time and timing be on his side.
Oh, and by the way, please help me to not have to kill Selena at work...the blood on the aerobic floor probably won't look good, and could cause some people to slip.

That's a pretty average day for me and The Whole Crew Upstairs.

Last night on the way home from work, I received this text from hubby:
My coffee shoppe just got robbed at gunpoint as I was on my way to get a coffee.

Thank You, God.

Only in New York

2011-11-09T12:45:00.002-05:00

I was walking in Midtown Manhattan yesterday and came across a guy sitting at a makeshift table hawking books entitled, "How To Roll A Blunt for Dummies."
There was a girl standing in front of him, flirting outrageously, possibly discussing the finer points of his treatise.
I would have taken a quick camera picture, but was in the middle of running errands and had the crosswalk. I did manage to text Roc later, though, and he said: Outstanding. Probably Make Millions.

A Cop's Wife

2011-11-08T07:35:00.003-05:00

A Cop's Wife (or spouse) does not get tickets.
At least, not in this little corner of the world.
For example: I had someone email me off-blog about the ticket scandal. They said that in their community, being an officer's wife or family doesn't really count for much. If the officer gets out of their vehicle with the expectation of a giving a ticket, the ticket is written regardless of who's on the receiving end. If they get out thinking "let's see how this goes" then the person may just get a warning.
I have an exact copy of my husband's shield, in a little ID Holder along with his current PBA card. On the inside of the ID Holder is my driver's license, my insurance cards, and an indicator that says: "Officer's Wife."
Of course, this Officer's Wife never gets pulled over... but let's just say I did...the Officer generally walks up to the car, asks to see ID, I pull out "my badge"...and he/she walks away. They don't even pause long enough to tell me how fast I was going, or what the infraction might have otherwise been...it's an unwritten rule that you never write an Officer's Wife, simply because you don't want your wife to get written.
Period. The End.
I'm curious: how do they handle that kind of stuff in your community? Do you, as the spouse, have some sort of police identification? Was there ever a time when it just didn't work?

Shoulda Known Better

2011-11-04T07:59:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I was watching Judge Judy while piling various apparatus in my gym bag and getting ready for work. I find Judge Judy to be quite funny; she's a sassy New Yorker who says the things we'd all love to say, and gets paid millions of dollars for doing so...therefore a smart broad...I say this in love.
The particular case she was presiding over had an incorrect or unfinished police report, and she turned to the Plaintiff and said, "Where did you get this? The detective you dealt with should have...etc, etc...let the North Hollywood Police know they're on notice."
More or less.
She's so snarky!
I thought of my friend, whose husband is with the LAPD. I laughed. What if it was him? Now that would be funny! I wasn't sure what precinct he pulled out of, so I texted my friend, a fellow Cop Wife.

I sent the text:
Is Monty@ N Hollywood Pct?
CW#2: No, why?
Me:Something funny on Judge Judy!
CW#2: LOL! U scared me. I thought something happened.

Now let me interrupt myself for one second right here: the second I sent the text, I realized that I probably scared her, and I kicked my own ass.

Me: I know, I thought of that rt after I sent the txt...what kind of CW am I?!?! Sorry Sister! XOXO
CW#2: LOL! Exactly! Don't scare me! I called Monty rt away. Haha. ;)

It was a quick and funny exchange, but it spoke volumes. If I were to ask my neighbor what IBM plant her husband works at, it would be no cause for alarm. Another friend whose husband works for a chain of stores would not even blink if I asked her what location he was at on a particular day. But us Cop Wives...we live a different life. And it shows, even in something so innocent, like a quick text to a friend.

Brother Love

2011-11-03T09:12:00.002-04:00

The other night, they had an unofficial meeting after Roll Call: all the cops on shift got together and threw twenty bucks in a hat for a cop that has been suspended without pay.

He's an officer with a new baby---facing an indictment for the "ticket scandal" in the Bronx. He's being treated as a criminal for something that should be considered a courtesy...and we have one very dirty cop to thank for all of that.

I have to say that I was glad to hear it; there are a whole host of things I find difficult about being a cop's wife, and there are things I simply hate about his job.

This is not one of them. It warms me to know that if---God Forbid---we were in trouble, we would have a whole line of blue arms outstretched towards us.

The Quest Begins

2011-11-02T08:16:00.002-04:00

The NYPD instituted a new policy this week called "The Quest for Excellence."
I was going to comment on this, but I think this YouTube video says it all.

Freak Storm

2011-11-01T10:19:00.002-04:00

For those of you outside of the New York City area: we just suffered a freak October snowstorm that dumped over a foot of snow in some areas.
For those of you within the Tri-State: UGH! AAHH! NO! It's too early!!

Last Winter, we had a real, old-fashioned Winter, in which case we got socked with storm after storm and too many blizzards to count. It left me still fearing snow in late Spring and clinging onto Summer like a drowning man hanging on to a rope.
I had a little conversation with God: can you please see to it that this year's a little bit easier?

Apparently, God has been busy with more important things, like wars across the globe. We got dumped with over a foot of snow. We lost power. Can I say...again...because the whole Hurricane Irene thing seems like yesterday. After getting a massive headache from either lack of caffeine or frigid temperatures inside my humble abode, I decided to pack up and move over to the In-laws for a couple of days. It ended up being about 48 hours, which was fine by me, but there are still people in my area without power and several schools are closed for a second day today. The town that I reside in even tried a lame attempt at calling off Halloween, which didn't work, as evidenced by the ghouls and various Super-Heroes crowding my door last night.

On the way over to my in-laws the other day, I saw a Snowman with a witch hat on.

I think I'll have another talk with God tonight.

Levels of Scandal

2011-10-28T08:49:00.002-04:00

The NYPD is playing host to a couple of different scandals at the moment; perhaps you've heard of them? Today I'm going to address the one that I feel hits closest to home: the so-called ticket scandal.
This morning, sixteen NYPD Officers will be charged for allegedly helping friends avoid paying tickets. The charges against 13 police officers, two sergeants and one lieutenant -- including delegates with the department's largest and most powerful union, the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association -- are the latest in a spate of corruption allegations against NYPD officers.

However, there's a MUCH MORE egregious scandal that's been popping off over in Manhattan: apparently, federal prosecutors in Manhattan brought conspiracy and other charges against five current and three former officers alleging they were part of a gun-running ring.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/10/28/nypd-officers-charged-after-allegedly-helping-friends-get-out-tickets/#ixzz1c54F6xzd

So I ask you this: are there levels of scandal? I'm pretty hard-nosed when it comes to crime, and honor, and even the appearance of impropriety. However, I don't see these two things as equal. Let me just say this: there are very few perks to this job. How much harm does it cause to get get your Dad or someone else's Dad out of a cell phone ticket? You could argue that it begins small...a little leeway here, a little give there...but I would counter the argument with this: if you work at Macy's, don't you get a Friends and Family Discount? If you work for the media, can you see to it that your kid's name is kept out of the paper? These two scandals are not even remotely comparable. The officers that ran a gun-running ring were putting other officers at risk by their actions...fellow brothers and sisters that put their life on the line every single night in the City that Never Sleeps.

Even the PBA President, Patrick Lynch has been quoted as saying: "This issue could have and should have been addressed differently," while talking about the ticket scandal.

Last fall, the NYPD, which has about 35,000 officers, installed a new computer system that tracks tickets and makes it much more difficult to tamper with the paper trail.
And that's a good thing. Except it makes men like my husband practically shit three golden bricks every time he goes to traffic court now: what if he loses a case, because the incident may have happened more than six months ago, or the person has a lawyer to represent them? Does he now have to worry about being accused of trying to get the guy off? Is it fair that every time he goes to traffic court he now has a concern about getting ripped vacation days...? Especially when he's done nothing wrong?

An old friend once told me: "Don't major on the minors."
I agree, and I've tried to live my life with that in mind.
I just wish the NYPD would follow my lead.

The Naked Guy

2011-10-27T09:23:00.002-04:00

The other night, Roc had to chase a naked man down several streets in SoB. He came home and told me that afterward, he was standing outside himself and shaking his head, saying: "I can't believe this job."
It's always something.
I asked him if he was ready to quit, and he said, "Not yet."

My Take

2011-10-25T10:31:00.002-04:00

It's about time for my take on the whole experience...and let me just say WHAT an experience it was!!
First of all, I need to thank so many people: My Cop, first of all, who ended up being great support staff in the end and a huge blessing to me. My Director, who is an amazing individual...all the people from my acting class...Friends and Family who came, gave flowers, support...and of course all the Cops and Cop's Wives out there who have supported me all along!!
It was an amazing ride...about a week before I had totally convinced myself that I was crazy to do this; that I was never going to stop stumbling over a particular set of lines, and that I was being stupid. I had my breakdown and then decided to turn it all around. I decided to fight for my show: for the original intent, and for what I knew it could be.
I think I did it. Everyone's telling me I did. I am so happy to hear that my writing resonates...that for me was by the far the biggest accomplishment.
Now today it's back to life...the laundry I've ignored for the past few weeks, blogging again on a regular basis, perhaps setting up something for another opportunity to present Suddenly Cop Wife. Who knows? Maybe I'll even find the time to cuddle up with my dog and watch something mindless like Judge Judy. I've always wanted her job; can you imagine how much fun it would be to get paid millions of dollars to yell at people all day? These are the things that will take up my mind space for the week, and I must say...I'm looking forward to it.

Guest Blogger...and a Review!

2011-10-23T13:02:00.003-04:00

And the Tony goes to…

While SCW Stella is home resting with Roc today following the debut performance of her 1-woman show in NYC, I wanted to guest post a review of the event. I am not a writer, reviewer, blogger or actor. I am simply a friend and had the honor and privilege of running rehearsals with Stella a few weeks ago. I didn’t know what to expect going into that 1st rehearsal, and even with that sneak peak, I couldn’t have predicted the transformation that took place on stage last night.
Our Stella is larger than life and a character in her own right. So it was no surprise that the performance was loaded with explosive energy, and that she told a story that was funny, angry, sad and ironic all at the same time. I’ve heard these stories before, and knew she was taking a risk, diving into deep emotional territory to tell her story. I was nervous that it might come across as too over the top, because let’s be honest – Stella is admittedly over the top in all that she does. But what she did up on that stage last night was nothing short of amazing to me. She was subtle, switching deftly between the various characters portrayed in the 6 moving vignettes, displaying a softness and vulnerability in her characters, even while yelling and screaming during confrontational scenes. She bounced between her characters with the ease of a veteran performer, yelling & excited as one, subdued and nearly whispering as the other. She brought us on her personal and emotional journey, showing not only what it’s like to be a cop’s wife, but also a little about what it’s like to be a cop, something I realized that I took for granted as I sat in that darkened theater listening in horror to the radio call from Roc’s patrol urge caution as the suspect in question was seen nearby and carrying a gun. Stella’s fears suddenly became real to us all.
I don’t know exactly what a director does, but kudos to Elizabeth Browning for guiding Stella on her journey. Throughout the performance, you could hear the audience laugh, gasp, mutter shocked explicatives under their breath, and although many tried to hide it, there were sniffles & tears too. And at times, the silence was profound; you knew that there is a lot more at stake for her coming out of this performance than whether people enjoyed it. And we did enjoy it. A lot.
So to all the boys in blue out there, thank you for your service, for keeping us safe. To all their wives, girlfriends and significant others – thank you for being their rock that keeps them grounded and gives them the strength to put their lives on the line day in and day out. And to Stella – thank YOU for letting us in and putting on one hell of a show!

SOLD OUT !!

2011-10-21T10:15:00.003-04:00

At this point both shows are SOLD OUT this weekend in NYC!!
WOW!
I can't thank everyone enough...and...I can't wait to see everyone tonight and tomorrow...if you're reading me someplace else, just know that we'll get back to the stories soon enough...and that if you believe in prayer: prayers gratefully accepted!

Remember...I am speaking on behalf of all of you: all you cop's wives, girlfriends, Moms, husbands, etc...I promise to stand in the gap for everyone who loves their cop tonight and do you proud.

Friday Night Fever

2011-10-18T08:38:00.002-04:00

So here's the deal:
I still have a few tickets left for FRIDAY NIGHT, OCTOBER 21st!
Come on into the City That Never Sleeps and come support a Cop's Wife!

Support Staff

2011-10-17T05:18:00.002-04:00

I often consider myself "Support Staff" to what Roc does on a daily basis: while he's at work, I do his laundry. I often buy his toiletries. If someone calls with an order for the family business, I will sometimes text him while he's with the NYPD, so he knows what to look forward to at his other job. I take care of the social calendar; things like birthdays don't go unnoticed on my watch. A lot of times he gets the credit, but I like to think, deep down, that everyone knows it's me who keeps the wheels spinning.
This week, I am pushing to finish up all the little details involved with my show: returning emails, last-minute ticket requests, rehearsals, dress rehearsals, running lines, making sure I have everything I need to make my show a success. I have to say there's not a whole lot of laundry getting done this week.
In the role reversal department...he's not nearly as efficient as I am...and I think I could use a little more support, not to mention staff.
Maybe it's a guy thing!

Puppy Patrol

2011-10-14T09:18:00.001-04:00

Last night, Roc had to rescue a puppy off the roof of a tall building. He described it as the "worst job ever" as the puppy was scared, his leg was broken, and they weren't sure at first if he would make it. Roc and I are both HUGE dog lovers.

Later on he thought that maybe he liked dealing with the puppy more than dealing with the people.

I laughed.

The Show

2011-10-12T11:05:00.003-04:00

I have to be honest here; it's not easy getting ready for the show at this point. I'm in serious rehearsals now...no more fooling around. There are moments that I wonder just what I got myself into; there are times when I wonder how many Cop's Wives will actually be out there and what they will take away from it. I was talking to two cops yesterday in NYC; they were asking me questions about the show, and I found myself trying to explain something that I really can't explain; you actually have to see it. They admitted that it was entirely unique to see something from the Cop's Wife's perspective; both television and movies are chock-full of cop stories, but they are almost always told from the perspective of the cop.
The good news is that Saturday night just sold out. I still have tickets available for Friday. So if you're curious, grab a friend, and get on out there. I promise you'll enjoy the journey.

Pomp and Circumstance

2011-10-11T09:00:00.002-04:00

As an NYPD Family, we occasionally get to do things that are fun and that give tribute to the people that serve the City: yesterday, we marched in the Columbus Day Parade, with just about every Italian Cop the city has on staff. (Okay, I know some of you had to work...) It was a good time had by all. If you're Italian, married to an Italian, or perhaps just an honorary Italian...I hope to see you there next year! I'll be the one by the Cannolis...!

Boots on the Ground

2011-10-11T08:58:00.002-04:00

God is Faithful...although Roc's boots were on the ground in and around the Wall Street area, the NYPD placed him far away from the Park and the chaos where the protestors are now gathering.
I was grateful to have a little less worry; and always happy to have not a lot to report!

Clarity

2011-10-07T07:55:00.002-04:00

I saw a friend yesterday who happens to be nice enough to log on to my blog now and again. She posed a wise question: "Are you against protests altogether?"
The answer is emphatically NO. I can't be; by nature, I am a writer, and I value my free speech rights far too much to be one of those people that believes that protests or demonstrations should not exist in a country like ours.

I just don't like this one. It smells like whining to me, and given my personal history...I am unable to muster up a sufficient amount of sympathy for those that are expressing themselves.

My problem, as always, is with what this does to the hard-working police men and women that are down there protecting a human right to free speech. I get the fact that they signed on to do the job, but does that also mean that they signed on to be maligned, bullied, threatened, called names, shouted at, and perhaps assaulted by fellow citizens? I have an interest here that hits very close to home: Roc has been called out of SoB and into the Melee tonight. He will be down on Wall Street. I will have "boots on the ground" so to speak...and therefore able to report back to you directly after his shift.

I thought of my friend and allowed a small chuckle later on. How could I ever be against protests? I'm Italian, and in most of the world, that generally means that I would also be Catholic.
But I'm a Protestant.

Some of you will get that.

Enough Already

2011-10-06T09:12:00.003-04:00

Here's a newsflash for the protesters that are in Downtown NYC:

The NYPD is also a UNION OPERATION.

That Said...

Several local unions pledged support to the movement earlier this week.

"It's really simple. These young people on Wall Street are giving voice to many of the problems that working people in America have been confronting over the last several years," said Larry Hanley, international president of the Amalgamated Transit Union, which has 20,000 members in the New York area.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/06/politics/occupy-wall-street/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Get it? The Union Protesters that are out there: You are hassling other UNION WORKERS! In essence...you are hypocrites, and actually quite ineffective.

In fact, I don't know of any Division of Law Enforcement that does not have a UNION in America. So cut the crap. Enough Already.

Come On and Enter!

2011-10-05T11:32:00.002-04:00

Come on and Enter the Contest! I know you're reading me out there...in Connecticut, in New Jersey, in the Five Boroughs, in the Sixth...it's time to enter the Contest! It doesn't have to be a long, wordy story at all...just let me know your "MOST" Moment and you and your cop can win **TWO FREE TICKETS** to my upcoming Show!!

For those of you who may not want to enter, but are still interested in coming; Don't Hesitate! Come out and support an NYPD Officer's Wife! I want to see the theatre packed with LEO's and their significant others! Let's come together and have a great night out...talking about the things that effect our lives.

I look forward to seeing you there.

Courageous

2011-10-04T07:45:00.001-04:00

Working in the Entertainment Industry, I can tell you that it is extremely hard to get any sort of movie to the marketplace that's not typical Hollywood fanfare. Everyone wants to change or alter your story, and if you have a blatantly Christian message...well, in today's world, that generally doesn't go over too big.
Last night, Roc and I both had off, and since I had already had a long rehearsal during the day, we decided that we would make the time to support this film. I can't say enough about this film: if you identify with the Christian Faith, go see it. If you're in Law Enforcement: go see it. If both of those descriptions sound like you: Don't Miss It!

Occupy Your Life

2011-10-03T06:36:00.002-04:00

Apparently, this movement called "Occupy Wall Street" is gaining steam in downtown NYC, with the media insisting that this same movement is gaining traction in major cities all over the United States.

It started as a jumbled protest, but now it's basically become a bunch of people whining about what they don't have, rather than doing something to get out there and get it.

This from Fox News:

School teacher Denise Martinez said most of the children she teaches in Brooklyn live at or below the poverty level, and her classes are jammed with up to about 50 students.

"These are America's future workers, and what's trickling down to them are the problems -- the unemployment, the crime," she said. She blamed Wall Street for causing the country's financial problems and said it needed to do more to solve them.

Beside the mass arrest Saturday, police arrested about 100 people Sept. 24 when protesters marched to other parts of the city and got into a tense standoff with officers.

Some said protesters on the Brooklyn Bridge were lured onto the roadway by police, or they didn't hear the calls from authorities to head to the pedestrian walkway. Police said no one was tricked into being arrested, and that those in the back of the group who couldn't hear were allowed to leave.

The NYPD released video footage Sunday to back up its stance. In one of the videos, an official uses a bullhorn to warn the crowd. Marchers can be seen chanting, "Take the bridge."

Here's what I have to say: OCCUPY YOUR LIFE AND STOP THE WHINING!

Nobody ever gave me anything. For most of my young life, I lived well below the poverty level. I was a victim of some adult's poor choices; a casualty in a war I never asked to fight in...for a small portion of my life, I lived without a bed, on a blow-up mattress, in a structure where the heat was routinely being turned off in the dead of winter.

I never blamed Wall Street. I didn't go on Welfare. I chose not to "blame the system," and then go out and disrupt traffic. Not to mention that I didn't put hard-working police officers in compromising positions.

Instead, I got three jobs. I went to college part-time when I had extra money. I learned how to use coupons in order to stretch a buck. I'm sure there were times when I whined: why couldn't I have had a different destiny? I can vividly recall days when I did not want to get up and go to work.

But I did it. I occupied my life...I changed things, I moved forward, and I rose above the poverty level. I pushed. I kept moving. I never stopped.

I'm quite glad I live in a country where these types of protests can go on; I actually have no problem with the free speech or the right to demonstrate. Believe it or not, I have no ax to grind here. But here's what I don't have: sympathy.

Because if you take the average every-woman like myself, who has lived a hard-knock life for at least some period of time...you'll find that I just don't care about your point of view. I have an easy remedy: it's called getting out there and making the world a better place, instead of sitting there and doing too much of nothing.

It's time to Occupy Your Life!

Busy as a Bee

2011-09-30T09:22:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm thinking about you, even if my posting has become slightly irregular...I usually post four or five days a week, but it's been nuts with rehearsals and all the many things that need to be done for the show.
I am still looking to give away two **FREE** tickets to a Cop's Wife/Girlfriend in and around the NYC area. If you're not nearby, feel free to re-post my info on Facebook, Twitter, or just let people know about the show.
I'm really looking forward to meeting other Cop Wives!!

Activity

2011-09-29T09:03:00.002-04:00

Last night, I ran the dishwasher right before heading off to bed. It was full, and although I could have run it at any time, I love the idea of the dishes being washed while I'm sleeping. When I put the dishes away today, it will be obvious that I did some work around the house...even if the machine was toiling away as I slept.

But...I won't have any paperwork to back it up.

No tickets. No summonses. No arrests...nothing that involves little sheets of paper.

This may not be a perfect comparison, but I want to address something that is being both widely and covertly discussed within the ranks of the NYPD: since when does only those things that involve a paper trail indicate that there has been work done? What about all the times my husband is giving out directions, talking to a local shop owner, dispersing a roving band, roaming around the streets of SoB looking for a suspect?

You can't exactly write up a report about...so many things. You can't always predict when crime will happen, and you can't quantify police work with statistics alone. Sure, there's his memo book; but my understanding of the current workings of the NYPD is that they are looking for activity in the form of little sheets of paper all around.

I woke up this morning to dishes that have been washed. I don't have any paperwork to support that. And I don't think I need any.

FREE TICKET CONTEST!!

2011-09-27T08:08:00.003-04:00

I am looking to give away TWO FREE TICKETS for the Suddenly Cop Wife Show: Live in NYC! For those of you in and around the NYC area: come on out, NJ and CT...here's your chance to win two tickets for yourself and a fellow Cop's Wife or perhaps your police officer hubby/boyfriend/partner/man!

Here's what you've got to do: you can comment right here, or you can send me a story off-blog to: scopwife@gmail.com.

Send me your "MOST" story: the time when you were most scared, most proud, most excited, most upset...whatever...but the story that touches me the MOST will win two free tickets to my show.

Why not? I tell you stories all the time...and I'm going to be telling you stories all night...it's your turn!

Please keep in mind that if you're not interested in winning tickets but are still interested in going to the show, we are about half sold out already, so reserve those tickets soon! From the outlying areas of NYC, there's a million ways to get to the theatre: Subway, Metro-North, LIRR, Amtrak, driving...you name it!

For those of you who live in other parts of the country, what about enlisting your husband's PBA to book my show for their annual fund-raiser? Or your favorite Cop Wife Group? Think about it...I'll travel!

Here's hoping to see you this October in NYC!
In the meantime...send me your MOST story...you never know, you could be my guest at the Show!

The Last Supper

2011-09-23T08:13:00.002-04:00

Well, I have to admit I got a chuckle out of this one. Did any of you hear about what happened on Wednesday in Texas? Apparently, a filthy individual who was being put to death made an outrageous request for his last meal.

He ordered:
Two chicken fried steaks, a triple-meat bacon cheeseburger, fried okra, a pound of barbecue, three fajitas, a meat lover's pizza, a pint of ice cream and a slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts.

PMS, anyone?

In the end, prison officials said the disgusting animal didn't eat any of it.

But here's what's funny---besides the fact that I could probably eat that on any given night while worrying about Roc---within hours, the Prison System decided that offenders would no longer get to choose their final meal. They will now receive the same meal served to other offenders on the unit.

First of all, I find it funny that when people want something done, it gets done: quickly. Maybe that's just the way things are in Texas. Then my thoughts wandered as to why he didn't eat the feast. Was it his way of thumbing his nose at the system, wasting just a few more taxpayer dollars before breathing his last? Perhaps he was so nervous about his impending death that he just couldn't eat anything.

We'll never know.

Of course, all this brings me to my question of the day. If you had a last meal request, what would it be? Mine would have something to do with lobster and pasta...a big hunk of ciabatta bread...and some type of peanut butter cheesecake. Your turn. Go!

Cop Killers

2011-09-22T08:51:00.002-04:00

A big headline yesterday:
Cop Killer Executed After Last-Minute Appeal Denied
The State of Georgia executed a man yesterday for the murder of an off-duty police officer. The man who was executed proclaimed his innocence apparently until his very last minute.
I'm not here to discuss the merits of the case; I honestly don't know enough about it. I am also not commenting on this because I have feelings one way or the other about the Death Penalty.

I'm here to throw this one out at you: Can you remember when it was absolutely verboten to even think about killing a cop? I can vaguely remember an adult conversation I overheard as a child...I was playing nearby the table after dinner, and my Grandfather's Lieutenant friend had stopped by for dessert...they were talking about a police officer who had been shot, and I can still recall the sounds of disbelief as they resonated around the gathering. I remember my Grandfather saying, "Who would be crazy enough to kill a cop?!"

Whether that man or somebody else killed the cop in question...? Either way, a cop is dead. And as I hearken back to a more innocent time, I think wistfully upon the way we once saw certain things: there was a time when something was wrong, and there was no other way to slice it or dice it.

The Boys in Blue

2011-09-21T11:09:00.003-04:00

I was in the heart of the city yesterday---Midtown Manhattan---and the Boys in Blue were out in force! Every single corner saw an NYPD officer sporting a hot fluorescent traffic vest and those incredibly sexy escape hoods attached to their legs. The Bosses were crawling all over the troops and the tourists were taking pictures with our own, real-life rock stars.

Good Going, Guys and Gals! You make our city safe, in the midst of UNGA BUNGA, Convention Season, the President being in town, and all the organized chaos that is life in the Big City.

It's always good to see you.

UNGA BUNGA

2011-09-20T11:06:00.003-04:00

Before you think I'm making up some sort of new Caveman rant (I actually miss those Geico commercials) let me assure you: I am.
UNGA actually stands for the U.N. General Assembly, which if you haven't heard, is going on this week in NYC.
Because the UN's Headquarters are in NYC, guess what that means? You got it...LOTS of NYPD officers being sent over to the UN facility, to work right alongside the Secret Service, JTTF, The New York State Police...you name it...even the dogs work overtime this week in NYC.
All so various politicians can pontificate about their view of the world.
Once again, this is the price our officers pay for working in the Capital of the World...let's hope that something gets accomplished this time around.

Perhaps

2011-09-19T07:49:00.002-04:00

Perhaps Roc has the right idea: he doesn't get upset over things he can't control.
He got called in yesterday. It wasn't an option. Therefore he went. I have no less than a gazillion things to do on any given day anyway...so I took care of business, and then made a pretty awesome meal for when he did finally darken the doorway last night.
It doesn't change the fact that I will never get that Sunday back: that perfect Autumn weather, the crisp air that lends you to walking outside, hand in hand, hearts entwined.
Perhaps he's right though...about salvaging what you can when it comes to a lost day...about finding a good moment when you can.

Stockholm Syndrome

2011-09-17T10:36:00.002-04:00

In Stockholm in 1973, a bank employee became romantically attached to a robber who held her hostage. Thus began the coining of the term: "Stockholm Syndrome." The dictionary defines SS as an emotional attachment to a captor formed by a hostage as a result of continuous stress, dependence, and a need to cooperate for survival.

I think my husband has a touch of this Syndrome.

He was supposed to have three days off this week---his regular rotation. They were not extra or special days, just his regular swing, and we had plans for this Sunday in particular, because it was the last weekend day he will have off for a while.

Of course, the NYPD had other plans for Roc: two details for two of the three days. And although I am upset, I get it. New York City is the Capital of the World; this week in particular we are hosting several big events, The UN General Assembly being one of the ones the world is watching.

What I'm less thrilled about is the idea that when he called to tell me this sucky news, he said: "Well, it could be worse, I know people who got worse details...BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

Huh?

Why isn't he more upset about the time they are taking away from him? His own time to wind down, relax, walk the dog, sleep in? Why was he seemingly making excuses for the NYPD's crashing of our weekend?

Could it be a little bit of Stockholm Syndrome? And I want to know: how many of your husbands pull the same crap when they get called in...making excuses for the management?

The Flipside

2011-09-14T12:16:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I was going to rehearsal and picked up my favorite local rag: AMNY. The cover caught my eye:

THEIR BEAT'S A GRIND

The picture on the front cover showed two NYPD officers in full uniform "dirty-dancing" with two young women (read: girls) who were participating in the West Indian Day Parade. Apparently, someone had posted a video on the web of the officers right after the parade hoopla had ended. The NYPD is investigating.

The article inside went on to quote several city residents saying things like:
"Oh My God...they're supposed to be looking out for our safety and not dancing with random girls."

She's right. There's no argument here. It looks to me like the two bozos in the pictures are very young cops who were just trying to have fun with the crowd. No excuses; it was a bad judgement call. These cops are probably a little too young to understand that what they do reflects upon the entire force.

But here's where I take issue with the issue at hand: the headline insinuates that being a cop is not a hard job, and especially presents the idea that this parade was an easy post...have we not since learned that this is the most violent parade that NYC hosts in a year's time? Was I not up all night, worried about my husband, as people were shooting and stabbing each other at the Jump Up?

Those two cops were wrong. Period.

But I resent the fact that any resident in NYC would trivialize what my husband does and gives to our city on a daily basis.

Period.

The Comics

2011-09-13T07:37:00.006-04:00

When I was a little kid, I would anticipate the Comics every Sunday like it was my Birthday and I was waiting for the cake. Back then, my Grandparents used to call them The Funny Pages, and as soon as they got their thick Sunday papers, they would extricate the Funny Pages from the pile and swiftly hand them over to me.
As I grew older, I never got away from loving that simple slice of Americana: working through jobs I often hated, I would grab the daily paper and once the headlines were read, I would work my way back to the Lifestyles Section and find the daily frames.
It's an innocent-fun type of thing that I still indulge in to this day. I actually don't buy a paper every Sunday any more (no time) and I generally get my news online, but when I do...oh, that six-year old self comes right to life, and I dive into the print looking first for the Funnies.
This past Sunday I didn't grab a paper, but I did manage to get a copy of the Funnies yesterday. I was surprised and thrilled to see that several weekly strips honored those who perished and served on Sept 11th, 2001.
Long-running comics like Hagar the Horrible and Beetle Bailey managed to bring tears to my eyes; frames like Blondie and even The Family Circus addressed the issue that perhaps this past Sunday was not a typical Sunday. As an artist, I tip my hat to those artists that poured their hearts into their frames, so that even in the Funny Pages, we could all be connected on September 11th.

The Real Deal

2011-09-12T06:56:00.004-04:00

On September 10th, all tours were held over a minimum of four hours due to a non-specific terrorist threat in NYC. Roc and many other cops were moved from the outer boroughs to Manhattan, and I don't think he climbed into bed next to me until about 5:00 AM yesterday.

We have not moved on in so many ways; Roc said there were people coming up to him all night, scared, looking for direction, wanting to tell an officer something that may or may not be suspicious.

When he woke up yesterday, we watched some of the names being read, and we cried.
We heard people's stories and we were moved once again.

Ten years seemed like just a blink in time; the raw wound uncovered once more.
It was a tough day for all New Yorkers; it was a tough day even for tough New Yorkers like us.

A Decade Later

2011-09-11T00:44:00.002-04:00

A Decade Later...
NYC has changed. I have changed. Roc has changed. The World is changed.
God does not change: He loves us in our brokenness, through our tears, in spite of our imperfections, and perhaps even because of them.

If you are missing your someone today, I place my hand in yours, and offer you whatever I can...the promise that this Cop's Wife will never forget...and that by remembering...we can always know how much one person matters. No matter what.

The Wrap-Up

2011-09-09T08:32:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I was criminally busy.
Roc, on the other hand, was busy with criminals.

-------------------------------------

I'm sure some of you are wondering about the impending Anniversary. If you've read back, you've seen me mention 9/11 in several posts...I was there, in the city that day, and there is little else in my life that has affected me so deeply. I am saddened once again, as the days push forward, and I am reminded once again of all we have lost.

I am a proud New Yorker. At least that remains.

Confirmation

2011-09-07T13:17:00.002-04:00

It was confirmed yesterday that the criminals involved in the shootings had nothing to do with the actual parade.
I am not shocked.
It is usually the few who end up ruining things for the many.
In fact, the woman who was shot and killed---an innocent bystander---was quoted as saying that she no longer liked attending the parade as it had gotten "too violent."

Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said Tuesday the city should not consider shutting down the parade, which often sees violence and had fatal shootings in 2003 and 2005.

"I don't think it'd be wise to close it down, but it's just unfortunate that there seems to be every year some violence attended to it," he said.

Well then...what's the answer?

Jump Up

2011-09-06T07:46:00.006-04:00

It's not all fun and games at the West Indian Day Parade.
The West Indian Day Parade is an annual event held in Brooklyn, and every year cops get pulled in for this event. This was the reason Roc had to work 7p-7a on Sunday night. The actual parade is on Monday, but the night before is a Pre-celebration called JUMP UP.
At the Jump Up this year there were four shootings, several stabbings, a slashing, as well as countless other crimes. Cops from all five boroughs were called in, and Roc said it was absolute bedlam.
This was the night before the so-called festivities.
I woke up this morning to find out that two police officers were wounded (one shot, the other grazed by a bullet) and three people were killed at the Parade this year. This has caused Michael Bloomberg--- the threepeat mayor---to pontificate that the problem is "too many guns on the streets of this city."
Really? I think the problem is that this event gets out of control every single year, and that the criminal element that seems to populate the parade route needs to be reigned in. Perhaps we need to cancel the event next year...because last I checked, nobody got shot last year at the St. Patrick's Day Parade, which is a bigger Parade for New York City.
And before you go sending me hate mail about the fact that you feel this comment is racist, consider this: I'm not saying anything about any of the other colorful parades our city hosts; I'm saying there's a problem with this parade.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/09/06/three-dead-amid-celebrations-at-west-indian-day-parade-in-new-york/#ixzz1XAkoXGvC

Happy Labor Day!

2011-09-05T10:28:00.000-04:00

Happy Labor Day!
In high society, Labor Day was once considered the last day of the year when it was fashionable for women to wear white.
Sometimes I wish I had those type of concerns.
As for today, I will try to fit in a swim and then make my way to a BBQ before the rain soaks us all again in the Northeast. My husband will sleep most of the day away, as he worked 7pm-7am last night so that other people could celebrate.
If your cop is home today: Congrats! Enjoy! Have a burger with the works!
If they are not: I get it. And I will be thinking of you, I promise. Because as so few of us remember...not everyone has off on Labor Day.

The Lighter Side

2011-09-02T09:25:00.001-04:00

The lighter side of Roc's Job:
Last Friday night, he sends me a text/pic.
It's entitled "Squirrel Eating Pizza in the Hood."

I thought after Irene we could all use a little chuckle.
Have a Great Weekend Everyone!

Good Night Irene

2011-09-01T12:58:00.002-04:00

I feel like Dorothy, but I must say that There's no place like Home.
We moved back in yesterday, and we are grateful, because it could have been far worse in our little corner of the world. This storm was so strange; there are pockets in and around New York City that were positively combed over, while other areas are devastated. I know that there are still a ton of people without power on Long Island, Westchester County, as well as New Jersey and Connecticut. For those of you not familiar with the NYC area: these are the areas that surround the city. The city was left largely unscathed, and yet the surrounding areas were trounced...? I think it was not what anybody had in mind at the onset of the storm.
Right now I am catching up on laundry and all the things that take up time in daily life. I promise to get back to more Cop Wife stories...tomorrow.
In the meantime, I hope all is well in your little corner of the world.

Inconvenienced

2011-08-30T10:13:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to write a quick post...we lost power, a tree fell on our house, and we are currently staying at my In-law's house.
Largely inconvenienced, but we are okay, and I am right now typing to you from one of the gyms that I work at...they have power...and I am grateful for the little things right now.
More to follow.

Come On Irene

2011-08-27T22:37:00.002-04:00

Come On Irene...!
I am posting this for all of you who have shown us concern and love. Right now, there is heavy rain in our little corner of NY and my First Responder is home for a change. Roc's cousin Carlo was ordered to evacuate from where he lives on Long Island and is currently spending time riding out the storm at my in-laws. We are armed with candles, police tactical flashlights, (some of which are charged...some not so much...) and wine. We also have a few cases of water, which will come in handy if the wine runs out.
I'll keep you posted.

Dog Won't Leave Fallen Navy SEAL's Side

2011-08-26T07:57:00.001-04:00

Everybody knows I am a huge fan of both dogs and the Military...if you've been reading this blog, I'm sure you've heard me talk about my love for all things canine at some point.
I was so deeply moved by this story; I often think my dog is a better person than most people. I think this is one of those pictures that speaks a thousand words.

Three Salamis and a Crackpipe

2011-08-24T09:49:00.002-04:00

Roc got home late last night; through my sleepy haze I can recall asking him about his night. He started telling me a story about a guy that was hiding three salamis and a crack pipe on his person; I must have drifted off, because I don't remember the beginning or the end of the story.

Does it really matter? With a title like that, doesn't that about sum up the ridiculousness of my husband's job? I swear that if anybody asks me how his job is today, I will answer:

"Three salamis and a crack pipe."

Enough said!

Relentless

2011-08-23T10:02:00.002-04:00

I can be relentless when need be; even when it's not needed, I will sometimes get a thought stuck in my head and I cannot or will not let go of it, my mind tracking and looping and trying to figure out a better way to solve a problem or perhaps a better way to say what needs to be said.

That being said: I am sometimes implacable.

I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

Supermarket Security

2011-08-22T08:55:00.003-04:00

Last week, Roc was cruising past the supermarket in his precinct when a Security Guard flagged him down. As the security guard began explaining his need for the NYPD, a large woman in a small skirt began getting loud and going on and on about how she had just gotten towed from the parking lot of said supermarket. Apparently, this woman had parked her car in a handicapped parking spot without any tags or permits, entered the store, did her shopping, but by the time she came out...had been towed.
She was steaming, and kept trying to justify her behavior to the exasperated security guard and a level-headed police officer.
"I was just going in there for a minute! I needed to pick up something for my kids."
She felt entirely justified taking a spot meant for someone less able, her excuse being that she was 'doing it for the kids.'
Roc more or less asked her what she would like him to do about it. As it stood, she had been towed by the private company that the supermarket employed: she had not been ticketed by the NYPD. He explained to her that she would have to call the tow company in order to get her car back.
"Does that mean I'm going to have to pay for it?!" She railed.
Roc gently informed her that the answer was yes.
"Well, I didn't ASK them to tow me!" She was stunned. The nerve of those people! After all, she was just running into the store for one minute...to get something for her kids.
HMPH!
She then turned to Roc and said, "What precinct are you from?!"
That's about when Roc started to lose his patience. He explained to her once again that he had nothing to do with her car being towed, that this was not a police matter, and that---get this---maybe she shouldn't have parked in a handicapped spot and all this could have been avoided.
Personal responsibility, anyone?

Manners and Rules

2011-08-19T08:40:00.002-04:00

So I was talking to a friend about the post I wrote regarding the cops and security guards all over the place, and she mentioned something I wanted to expound upon here; she said the people where we live don't really police themselves either.

I told her flat out: it's not even remotely comparable.

Then she mentioned that she thought it was, albeit on a much lower level. We began discussing what goes on at our community pool: the parents who don't discipline their kids, the people that move or take your things without asking, the bargaining and/or screaming that goes on with certain parents and their kids...the list goes on.

I rolled it around inside my head a little. The truth is, we don't need an actual police officer where we live to ensure that things go smoothly and no one gets hurt. But we could sure use an Etiquette Officer or a Rules Enforcer...or perhaps we can employ the Manners Police.

Obviously, I've been thinking a lot about my Grandmother this week, but the sad truth is that most of the stuff that goes on today would not fly in my Grandmother's generation. Why is that? What have we allowed...as a society? What's acceptable in one neighborhood that might not be acceptable in another?

And would my neighborhood be a different place if it was more of a police state?

I know...deep questions for a Friday! If you feel the urge to comment, go for it...especially the cops that read me...I'd love to toss this one around a bit.

Security Guards and Cops on the Scene

2011-08-17T10:20:00.003-04:00

As Roc was relaying a story late last night, I thought about the fact that most stores in his precinct neighborhood have their own private security.
The NYPD posts two police officers at all times at the City Pool.
The supermarket, the Rite Aid, the local church or mosque: they all employ security guards.

Then I thought about where I live. If I'm lucky, I'll get a chance to head over to my community pool today, and there won't be any cops there. Just a few young lifeguards who wouldn't know what to do if a confrontation consisted of something more than: Whose noodle is this?

When I cruise over to my local drug store, there won't be armed guards there to greet me, or frisk me, or follow me around the store.

Which begs the question: do you live in a neighborhood where there's a whole lot of policing going on? Or perhaps it's more like mine, where the people tend to police themselves? Am I living under a false sense of security? Recently, a pharmacy was knocked off for prescription drugs on Long Island, and four people were shot dead. It was a nice town. Should there have been an armed security guard posted there? Would it have averted a tragedy? Thoughts?

SAVE THE DATE!

2011-08-16T09:11:00.003-04:00

For those of you who have been following (read: eagerly awaiting!) a date for The Suddenly Cop Wife Show...the good news is...

I have one! Actually, two...

SAVE THE DATE:

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2011

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2011

More details to follow. I just wanted to get this out there now, because seating is limited, and I want my fellow NYPD Cop Wives to get first dibs!
Also: New Jersey, Nassau/Suffolk/Westchester County...are you in?
AND...Come on down Connecticut!
Looking forward to seeing you there!