Thursday, July 22, 2010

Time in a Bottle

As the weeks passed, I felt more helpless, and unsure of how to deal with the unfolding situation. Slowly, Roc was revealing that the pressures of the business played a lot into his decision to leave. I became angry with my inlaws.

"Why the &*%# couldn't they just pretend that they had it all under control, even if it was just for the first few days, just get him over the hump, you know...what kind of parents are more invested in their own dreams than their children's dreams?!" I was venting to my friend Jolie, full-tilt-boogie, over a half-eaten sandwich in a deserted pub.

"I don't know." She shrugged and I could tell she felt bad for me, but what more was there to say?

"I'm so pissed." I played with my food and felt my head shaking side to side. "He won't even call the guy, talk to him about getting reinstated."

"Can he get reinstated? Did he talk to Mo?" Jolie inquired.

Mo was our friend who was and still is an NYPD Lieutenant. He had been encouraging Roc all along, and was still encouraging him to try again.

"If he does, it will be his absolute last chance. If he goes into the next Academy class in July, he will enter at 34 and graduate at age 35. He needs to go in, and if he really wants to try again, he needs to stay in." I shrugged. "What the hell do I know?"

"How do you feel about this?" Jolie was seaching my face, and I could feel her probing eyes sweeping over me with genuine concern.

"I don't know. I'm upset for him. Even though I never wanted him to do this, I know how bad he wanted it, and now I just want him to finish. I don't want him to regret this for the rest of his life. I honestly could care less if he goes back, graduates, becomes a cop, and then quits six months later. At least then he could say he did it---no regrets---no looking over his shoulder. I don't want it to be a repeat of his Navy experience." I ordered a hot cup of tea then and explained to Jolie that Roc had been in ROTC in college, but then exited the program, and to this day was obsessed with all things Navy.

"That's hard." She sipped her tea and offered a smile.

"I know. The whole thing seems harder than it should be." There was nothing left to say, so I sipped my tea and sighed. Time would tell.

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