Once the verdict came in and the city settled down, I took the nurse's advice to heart and began the process of talking myself out of anxiety. Of course, it's a process: I kept thinking I was doing well, and then I'd have a night when I would allow my thoughts to wander back to that awful place.
I made a resolution: if I hadn't heard from Roc, I wouldn't watch the news. I started to avoid the so-called friends who would make really smart comments, like: "Aren't you terrified?"
And: "Don't you just wish he would quit?"
And: "Isn't he over this yet?"
And: "Do you miss your old life?"
I didn't blame them per se, but I also found myself questioning their judgement. Could you imagine me saying, "Are you upset that your child has Tourette's Syndrome? Did you ever think about putting him up for adoption? I mean, isn't it hard?"
I would be branded an insensitive ass faster than you can say Law Enforcement.
So why is there a double-standard at play here?
Am I crazy, or do people bring all of their prejudices about cops to the fore of each conversation, forgetting that there is a human being behind the shield?
I simply wanted the same respect for my husband that everyone else wanted; and I needed support, not dissension.
I removed myself slowly from people who just didn't get it, and I find I don't miss them now. It's been a helluva journey...and there's a lot more to come.
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True story: When yet another person was asking me (during a six month deployment) "How do you stand it? Don't you hate it? I could NEVER be apart from my husband so long - we're soulmates." I replied, "Well, your husband is ugly. I suppose we all have our burdens to bear.".
ReplyDeleteRude of me, but I'd hit the breaking point. She got the message though.
Keep the ones who are worth it. Get rid of the rest.