Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

Years before I met Rocco, I was engaged to someone else. I was young, he was young, and we were two star-crossed lovers that were probably a lot more romantic than realistic. We broke up in a dizzying fit of events, and I know now it was for the best.

At the time, I was inconsolable.

I had allowed myself many moments; to dream, and hope, and believe that I had tied my future to the man who was going to love and protect me for all time. When it all came crashing down, I was more than devastated, I was humiliated. I walked around in a fog coated with a thin layer of embarrassment, and I could not function for what seemed like forever.

I'm mentioning this today because out of that dark and difficult time came words of wisdom that still linger on the edges of my consciousness. I can still recall a conversation I had with a friend; this person was a woman who was a little older and perhaps a little wiser than the me that I was then.

"I just feel so stupid." I was choking this out through an unending torrent of tears.

"Why do you feel stupid?" She asked gently, touching the heart of the matter the way that only she could.

"I feel stupid for loving him." I was burning with some sort of unending and undefined shame.

"You should never feel stupid for loving someone." She paused. "Think about it. What did you do? You loved someone with all your heart. You didn't hurt him, he hurt you. You loved. And in the grand scheme of things, nobody should feel stupid for love."

It has stayed with me...when I'm unsure about something...I still ask myself, did I love? And I figure that even if I do get duped, that God will sort it out in the end.

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