Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Deep Thoughts About Christmas

At the risk of sounding like Jack Handey---some of you remember this character; the rest of you should look him up---I have some observations about various Christmas songs that I'd like to share:

Right now, somebody out there's donning gay apparel.
So what is it that makes the apparel gay?

Do They Know It's Christmas by Band Aid is a song I'd like to out right now: What the hell was Bono thinking?
"Well, tonight Thank God it's them...instead of you...!"
Now there's the Christmas Spirit! Screw the Africans! Just Thank God you're not living their miserable existence as you chug another egg nog and unwrap something else you have no need of...I love it!

Don't get me started on Jewish People singing crappy Christmas songs...hello Neil Diamond...just what the hell is a CHERRY CHERRY CHRISTMAS? Can't he just continue to scream "TODAY!" in the midst of America, so that we can all raise our flags in solidarity?! Come on, Neil! TODAY!

And why do people actually request these songs on the radio, then dedicate them to people who will never hear them? Do you really believe that your long-lost love who lives in Wisconsin is tuned into The Delilah Show on his PC at the precise moment that you request What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? I'll tell you what he's doing: he's all cuddled up with his new girlfriend, in front of a roaring fire, sipping a hot toddy. There! There's your request!

Here's hoping that I made you smile, chuckle, or even laugh a little bit in the midst of Holiday Madness. If you have any thoughts to add, feel free to pile on. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, after all!

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