Monday, May 13, 2013

The Months After

Perhaps I'm stubborn.
Look, I know myself pretty well, and the one thing I do know is that when I decide something, it's done. I rarely backpedal, and once you push my "that's it" button...well, that's IT.
I'm not saying it's the best way to be; I'm just stating what is, and trying to unravel my behavior. The next few months I was engulfed with trying to navigate my grief and I did not call Kate back.
She never contacted me either.
About three months after that traumatic week, she sent me an overly chatty email out of nowhere and acted as if she had simply been too busy to get a hold of me. She talked about her kids, her kids, and, oh...did I mention HER KIDS?!
There was no reference to Sal.
Time moved forward and the rest of that particular group of friends collectively decided that I was wrong. By then, they all had babies, each only months apart from the other, and the generous refrain that I heard coming out of their mouths were various interpretations of, "You don't don't have kids."
I decided that if having children meant betraying your friends...that I certainly didn't want any.

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