Graduation Day

I ate too much.
I ate way too much two days before Graduation and I was still feeling it as I woke up that morning. Part Holiday fanfare, part nerves, I had eaten myself into a stupor between Christmas Eve and Day and all thoughts about looking sexy and a particular outfit went out the door the morning of the Big Day. My hair was non compliant, my makeup...eh...and I felt rushed from the moment I woke up.
Roc had to leave at some ungodly hour, so I woke up early with him and then couldn't fall back asleep. I was going to take the train and then meet him down at Madison Square Garden, where the NYPD holds graduation. I was also meeting my in laws and a handful of friends in Grand Central. The plan was to take the train over to MSG and from there up to Carmine's for a celebratory meal.
Another meal.
I can still remember a smattering of emotions working their way through my system: intense pride, outright fear, and a distinct knowledge of just having lost all control. I wasn't in the mood for anyone; the friends, the family. I wanted to be alone with my emotions, and cry, and maybe eat again. I can't explain why I get that way, I just knew that I didn't want anyone touching me and hugging me and acting all excited when I still didn't even know where he was going to be...at that point, we were still waiting for a precinct assignment, and we knew nothing beyond Graduation Day.