Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Never a Time

There is never a time that I don't worry.
I can be watching television, fully engaged in a great show, when I will suddenly look up and realize it's been three hours since I last heard from him.
It lays there, at the edges of my mind, and trickles in when you least expect it.
There is never a time when I feel like people "get it."
Most people try hard. Other cop's wives are my best bet, but sometimes even then...my concerns may not be yours.
There is never a time when I'm walking through NYC, and I hear the wail of sirens, that I don't jump just a little, because ever since 9/11, I don't hear sirens the same.


  1. I Appreciate that you wrote "my concerns may not be yours". Sometimes I feel that if I worry i'll be labeled as dramatic but there are nights that I can't help but wish he'd call or text.

  2. Sometime I'll call him and he won't answer b/c he's busy. Then 4 hours will go by and he hasn't called me back. I become a nervous wreck.

  3. Bless your heart... I can hear the sound of the burden you bear in your writing. Lots of love going out to you!

    Others do try, but like you said.. unless they experience it, they just don't understand. I'm so happy that I have a blog as a way to voice my struggles without feeling judged (or pitied). Sometimes you just gotta get it out there.

    Wishing you peace today, xoxo

  4. Most other cops' wives probably DO get it; they just don't want to dwell on it when they're not feeling it at that moment. And it's not just wives. When my dad was still a cop, I was too young to know it was dangerous (and honestly, back then it usually wasn't) but my sister's a Fed. It IS always there. It doesn't creep up on me often, but there are those times...
    Frankly I'd probably be insane by now if I'd married a cop.

  5. I think that's the same thing I feel about earthquakes. It's a constant, nagging dread. Husband in the computer lab ~meh~ not so much.

    Sad for you.

  6. I think that, the same way our husbands and loved ones revolve in a world of hyper-vigilance...that's the same way I feel...it's not always at the forefront, but it's always there...and I'm just glad to hear that so many people can relate.
    :) SCW Stella

  7. Not only do I experience the quieter constant concern, I will get random explosions of panic for no particular reason. It just becomes a moment that I *must* hear from him, just to know he's okay. I have no idea why. Thank God for texting!


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