"Well, when do you need to leave the house today?" I sighed. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm in a long-distance relationship, even though we live in the same house.
"Great. I'll be home by noon."
Every so often, we get locked into a pattern when our schedules are totally opposite. The past couple of weeks have been like that...a quick goodbye kiss on the forehead while I'm still trying to catch a couple of hours of sleep, my tiptoeing out of the house while I long to be up in bed, cuddling with my husband and puppy.
I sort of lost it. I started ranting about how something's gotta give. Our schedules are impossible. We need to move. I can go on, but...you get the picture.
One of my many stops yesterday morning was to go see my therapist. Yes, I'm a card-carrying member of the Therapy Club...and quite honestly don't understand why the whole rest of the world isn't. As I sat there, trying to breathe, bitching and unloading the frustration I've been experiencing, I happened to mention that yesterday was the first anniversary of the day my Gram died.
"What would you like to do, for you, to commemorate her?" She asked gently.
"I just want to be left alone and bake a banana nut bread." I started crying. I longed to be home, to be done with work for the day, to get out of the car and off the phone, and my day was just not going to enable me to do that.
She urged me to find time for me. I agreed. I still had a lot left to do, but I started planning my weekend and I swore not to take on any clients, or friends, or any more of my family's dysfunction.
I pointed the car home. Roc had already left for work, and I needed to finish a few things before heading back out to work for Round Two. Right before I left again, I took the dog out for a walk, and ran into a neighbor that also has a small dog. She's incredibly nice, and although I don't know her well, I always find myself looking forward to interacting with her. I told her I would follow her back to her house, as I was headed in that direction anyway. I intended on making the loop up by her place and then heading back to my house. As we pulled up to her house, I was saying my goodbyes when she said, "Wait! Oh, Stella, will you take these?"
I looked over to her stairs to see that someone had sent her a big bouquet of flowers, and she was handing them to me. She went on to explain that she had an Aunt that always sent her flowers, but she found she couldn't keep them, as her cat ate them, and it always made her nervous as she didn't know which flowers could be poison.
"Are you sure?" I felt a little weird taking her present.
"Yes! Of course! You see, it was meant to be that I ran into you. Enjoy them."
I took the bouquet and balanced it under my arm as I led my dog back to our house. As I walked, I was ruminating over how nice this neighbor was, when just then I had an incredibly strong feeling wash over me. I thought about my Grandmother and I swore I heard her whisper something in my ear. I felt a peace I can't quite explain, and then I realized something...I might not have had the time to bake a banana nut bread yesterday...but in the midst of my busy, God found a way to meet me, and remind me, that even though my day was chaos, He knew my innermost thoughts, He felt my loss, and He got it.
For that, I am grateful.