Friday, July 19, 2013

The Decision

I can't really point out the moment when my mind was made up...I would like to, especially for those of you who are also "on the fence" and wondering how I chose...all I can say is that I made a decision and I am now almost nine months pregnant.
I'm quite sure I have made many people happy. I know for a fact that my parents and my in-laws are both over-the-moon with glee: they are finally getting the grandchild that they never, ever thought they would have. I am also quite sure I have disappointed some. The friends that are living a child-free existence, for example, who thought I would be with them until the bitter end. I had one friend make me promise that I would never try and talk her into doing this. I assured her that since I have lived on both sides of this issue, that I would never, ever do that to her.  I respect her choice.
The pregnancy so far has been full of surprises: a relative lashing out at me because she didn't understand my decision, a friend who doesn't understand why I will not (and would never) be having a Baby Shower, another friend who is angry at me for not registering...a stranger who thought it would be nice to offer some totally unsolicited advice...another stranger who has become a dear friend and cheered me on in every way possible. God---who, let's face it, I haven't always understood throughout this entire process---has sent me amazing people along the journey: clients who cared, a babysitter way in advance that the entire neighborhood covets, friends who have allowed me to cry, be hormonal, laugh, and just be. New people; old people resurfacing, and of course, a little someone who I have yet to meet.


  1. I am in tears reading your entire posts. I am so happy for you. I myself find myself in the early part of your history with this story. My fiance is also an NYPD officer and we've found ourselves with this discussions of how we both don't want children, except in the back of my mind I am unsure how I will feel years down the line. I wonder how you two approached this topic early in your marriage and how it changed over the years, I know every story is different but I now at least don't feel so alone.

    Thank you so much for sharing this story.

    All the best to your new addition and expanding family.

  2. @My Life: What I can say is that we have always pretty much been on the same page. Early in our marriage, we would say that we didn't want kids, but that we would "leave the back door open." We changed here and there over the years, but it was a slow evolution, and we rarely discussed it with other people. As we found out---unfortunately---everyone has an agenda. I would just recommend keeping that line of communication open, and not letting anyone else influence your decision either way. Of course, life experiences will probably lead you to the right decision for you.
    Thank YOU so much for listening; I'm so glad I ended up sharing it, even though I dealt with some real-life judgement for doing just that!
    And thanks for the well wishes.
    XO Stella


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