Monday, July 11, 2016

Suddenly a Veteran

I remember right before I had my son, I was out one night walking my dog, and ran into a neighbor I knew in passing. It was just a few weeks before I had my baby, and everyone was offering advice, or commenting, or perhaps just reminiscing.
Her words to me were: "Ah, I remember those days so well. The days are long, but the years are short."
I thought about what she said but of course found that I didn't fully understand her until I had one of those incredibly long days: a teething, crying, blubbering mess of a day.
And that was just me.

This weekend I thought a lot about being a Cop's Wife. I thought about how far I've come. Due to the awful events that just occurred around the country, I've become a hot property, and everyone has been asking my advice. They want my take on the assassination of the Dallas Officers, and some even want my take on the shootings of the civilians that preceded them. I am sifting through requests to speak as well as answering emails and commenting when I can.

I am being as honest as I can be; I am continuing to be me, and in the midst of all the exchanges, something very profound occurred to me: I am now a Veteran Cop's Wife. I've been at this almost a decade. I am no longer Suddenly a Cop's Wife. I now have the younger generation, the new wives, the fiancees...the significant others that are new to this precarious lifestyle...looking to me, to answer their questions and allay their fears.

Here's what I can say: there will be long days, and nights, and shifts that feel as if they are never-ending. But the years (in retrospect) are short.
You will get through this; this time of uncertainty, of difficulty, of fear...of feeling as if the whole world is against you, or that no one seems to understand.

You will turn around and you will find yourself suddenly like me. It never gets "easier," but it evens out, and you learn how to manage your energy, for there is only so much time that you can sit home and wring your hands.

You are his/her partner for a reason. Obviously God thought you could handle it.
So know that it won't always be this way. And as the days shuffle by into years, know that there are women just like me, standing right by your side.


  1. @Jan...thanks so much. Good to know that people are connecting to my words.
    Be safe and stay strong.
    :) Stella

  2. Thank you. I needed this today. As my husband is deployed yet again to deal with a BLM protest. Monday was our 18th anniversary and instead of being safe and enjoying dinner, my guy was in riot gear. We were able to go to dinner the following night, and we cherished the moment. But now he's been deployed again, part of a special tactical response team. Usually God and I handle these moments quietly...I just felt the need to connect with other wives. Thank you for providing that connection as I try to explain to our daughters why they shouldn't go on social media right now.

  3. @Wendy: So glad I can be there to say, "I get it." Across this virtual world, it's sometimes nice to hear someone hand in yours.
    Happy Anniversary!
    :) Stella


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