Wednesday, October 13, 2010

On the Job

Once Roc was "on the job," reality settled in. The hours sucked. We couldn't have dinner together unless he was off so we tried having breakfast together. Some times that worked, and sometimes not. After a week or so of being with a so-called training officer, Roc was out there on his own with three other guys who had just graduated the Academy with him. They went out in fours and scoured the neighborhood, looking for infractions both small and large. They saw some funny things, some things that would make great stories later on, but most of all, they saw some truly heartbreaking stuff.
"Let me guess: she's not going to press charges." The sarcasm was dripping off my tongue as Roc related his latest arrest. For some reason, a man in SoB found it perfectly acceptable to hit his wife with a hammer.
He would shrug, and then just shake his head. It felt weird to know that he was just now witnessing a life that I had been subjugated to; I felt sucked back in time, and at times, I would feel the anger rising, the bile pushing up against my throat, and my whole being feeling ultimately violated.
I talked to a friend; my therapist; I talked to God a lot during this time. I needed to let go of so many things...and for the first time, I found myself seeing this entire chapter of my life as much more than coincidence.
There was a reason I had married someone who decided to become a cop; there was a reason that I was the perfect girl for the job.

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